You won't miss me
by MissingFromTheFaceOfTheEarth
Summary: Matthew was bullied, forgotten and invisible to everyone but himself. He'd finally cracked and ran away from home. Well if you could call it a home. Before leaving he left a letter. 'When you'll find this letter I will be long gone. I don't know how long it will take for you to find this letter. Maybe you never will.' Mentions of PruCan and FrUk.
1. Chapter 1

_I don't know where I'm going but it's all over now. I don't care anymore. I've been living this life for way too long and I can't take it anymore. I'm leaving and no one will ever notice. I am nobody to them and it will stay like this forever._

Matthew was packing his bags with no intentions of coming back. He never thought that they would care so little for him that they would completely forget about him. It was as if he didn't even exist. He was invisible, he was nobody. His fathers forgot about him a long time ago. Even, his own brother didn't know him anymore. His best friend left him behind and he didn't even realise how much Matthew needed him. He was the only one who seemed to care but sometimes he wondered how true that was.

Something had happened during that day that had finally broken him. How could his own brother not see how much he was hurting? Did he even care? Did he even remember who he was? Had he ever once thought about someone other than himself? Had there ever been a moment in which he had loved his little brother? No, he didn't think so.

As he was packing his bag, the memories that hurt so much rushed through his head in a tsunami of emotions. Everything he had ever felt came back to haunt him. The birthdays that had been forgotten, all those times that he had been beaten up at school and the worst of them all, that terrible question, ''Who?''.

Without thinking he took a paper and a pen from his desk and started to write. He didn't know why he was writing. All he knew was that the soothing motion of the pen on the paper made him feel alive. It reminded him that he was a person that was living and that he was not, as everyone else seemed to believe, invisible. But he still questioned himself. Would his family ever find the letter? Would they even realise who ''Matthew'' was? If they ever did find the letter would they even care? Would they search for him? Or would they be happy that he was gone?

He didn't realise the tears rolling down his cheeks. When he had started crying he did not know. As a he uttered a sob he heard his brother in the room next to his crank his music even louder. Did he have no love in his heart for him? Did he not care?

''If Alfred actually cared he would have come to me.'' Matthew whispered to himself. ''I am nothing to him, aren't I?'' As he said those words he cried even more realising that as much as he wished that those words weren't true they were.

In the next room Alfred was laying on his bed with his music at the highest volume that it could go. He had heard his brother gasp from the other side of the wall and not wanting to hear him he had turned the volume up. He didn't know that his brother was crying in despair. He thought that his younger brother was watching a horror movie or playing a game of some sort that had scared him. Had he known what was really happening on the other side of the wall he would have run to his side. But he didn't know so he left the music on.

Today would be the last day that Matthew would ever see them. It was the last day that he would see Francis and Arthur. It was the last day that he would ever see Alfred. It was the last day that he would get beaten up by Ivan, Carlos and _Lovino_. The only person that he wished to see one last time before leaving was his best friend. He knew that he was currently in Germany for a student exchange project. He had left a week ago and Matthew was sure to never see him again. Matthew wondered about their friendship which has been shaky form the start. Sometimes he mistook him for his brother and called him Alfred. Some days they never even talked. He was invisible to him too just like he was to everyone else. Matthew had never thought about his relationship with his friend because he was sure that he would never leave him. Even now as he looked down at his letter he wondered what his friend was doing. Ever since he left for Germany he hadn't called. He hadn't even texted him. Matthew was beginning to wonder what their friendship really meant. He remembered how his friend had said before leaving that If he liked Germany he might not even come back. He had laughed afterwards but Matthew had not. He just looked at him with a blank face trying as hard as he could not to cry. He tried not to break down crying and beg him to stay. He was the only one left and he might not even come back.

A sudden ding broke Matthew away from his thoughts. He looked at the screen of his phone. He saw his name written on it. His best friend had finally texted him! But wait…

 _GERMANY IS AWESOME!,_ the text said _, It's so great! I love it here. It's so much better than back home :)_

Matthew threw his phone at the wall. No, this wasn't possible. This couldn't be happening. There was a second ding but Matthew did not want to look at the message. He did not want to see the written proof of his only friend leaving him. Now he truly was alone.

Matthew looked at his letter and wrote one last paragraph. He knew now that the only place for him was outside. He didn't want to stay there anymore. Why stay in a place that was filled with people that didn't care? Why stay here when he was better off alone? This would never be his home again. He would never walk through that doorstep again. He would never be welcome again.

Without a glance at the phone he picked up his last friend and took his bag. How sad was it that his last friend was a teddy bear called Kumajirou? He went into the kitchen and grabbed as many canned foods that he could carry. He went outside and into the shed. Inside he grabbed as many supplies as he could. He took a sleeping bag, a swiss army knife, a flashlight and a water bottle. He was about to leave when he remembered the money that he had back in his room. He went back inside and took his money. It wasn't much but he could last at least one week with it.

He knew that it was completely impractical but he took two pictures with him. One where he was happy. He was with his family and he was smiling. He was only a child and Francis was holding him in his arms. Arthur was holding Alfred who was eating and ice cream with most of it now on his face instead of in his mouth. The second one was of him and his best friend. They were smiling. Matthew recognised the gleam in his eyes as the one he always had when he won a hockey match. His friend had challenged him to a match that day. It was one of his happiest memories.

In his search for the right pictures he had left pictures scattered on the desk. He took one last look around his room and saw the tidy bedroom that has once been his. The finally he left the Kirkland-Bonnefoy household. He didn't even have to run. No one would see him anyway. So, he walked away from the house that had been his home and looked back only once to see If someone had noticed. Nobody had.

If Matthew had looked at the message that his friend had sent him then he would have never left. He would have stayed and waited patiently till he came back.

 _I'm going to want a rematch ;) I've gotten better at hockey and I_ know _that I can kick your ass. Better get ready to lose birdie. See ya later!_

 **Authors note: This story will be a multi chapter. Chapter 2 will be uploaded tomorrow or in the days that follow.**


	2. Chapter 2

It was Arthur's day off. He had spent the day at home bored out of his mind. Eventually, he had decided that he would clean the house. At the very least it would give him something to do. And so, he went off to clean the house.

He cleaned the kitchen first and realised that the only cans that they had were gone. They never bought cans if they could help it. Francis hated food that came from cans and while Arthur agreed with him to an extent he liked having something easy and fast to eat. Sometimes he didn't have the time to cook a three-course dinner. Of course, he never cooked to be exact. After the dreaded scones, he hadn't been let in the kitchen.

''Damn it Alfred,'' He said. ''I wanted to eat that chicken noodle soup.''

Arthur then moved towards the living room. It didn't take him as long as it had in the kitchen. He then went upstairs and went to clean his and Francis's room. As with the living room it didn't take him long. Francis was as much as a neat freak as he was. He then went to go clean Alfred's room, but after seeing the mess it was in he thought better of it. It would take him at least a week to get that room clean.

He arrived at the last door which had a little wooden maple leaf on it. He didn't remember ever seeing this room before. Maybe that was the guest room? He didn't remember the last time they had guests. Was he supposed to clean it?

''Might as well,'' He said. ''Nobody's ever been in that room. There must be a lot of dust.''

When he opened the door, the room seemed surprisingly clean. There was no dust on the floor. The bed was made and overall it looked perfectly clean. There was nothing on the floor and it didn't look like anyone had ever been in it. There was no trace of any personal belongings. Arthur turned around ready to leave when he spotted the only thing in the room that wasn't perfectly clean. The desk seemed to be the only thing in the otherwise very clean guest room that had something on it. There were pictures strewn across it and a piece of paper under them.

He realised that these were family pictures. What were they doing in the guest room that no one used? It made no sense. And who was that other little boy? He recognised himself, Francis and Alfred but there was another child who looked strangely like Alfred only his hair was longer. Maybe it was one of Alfred's friends? But it didn't make sense that he was in every photo. There was one with a baby Alfred and this mysterious boy. He remembered that photo as the day when they brought Alfred home. Why would this kid, one he had no idea who he was, be in the picture as well? There was also a photo of the same mysterious boy with another boy. This second boy had white hair and red eyes. Arthur had never seen him before and wondered why this photo was in his home. He moved to another picture and this time it was the boy that looked strangely like Alfred. That boy was in hockey clothes and had a big grin on his face as he held up a trophy. Arthur recognised that trophy…

Then he found the piece of paper. It was filled with writing and he recognised this penmanship but he didn't know from where. He started to read but then stopped. Would the person that left it here ever come back for it? Maybe he shouldn't read it, but curiosity got the best of him and he read the letter.

''When you'll find this letter I will be long gone. I don't know how long it will take for you to find this letter. Maybe you never will. Maybe what I am writing here will be lost forever. Maybe you'll find this in a day or two. Or maybe you will find this when you move out of the house. Maybe it won't even be you who finds this. Maybe it will be someone else.

I'm writing this so you know what really happened. I'm writing this so you know who I am. I am your son, your brother and your friend but none of you seemed to notice. Even when we were young I was always outshined. It was always Alfred this and Alfred that. No one seemed to notice or care about me.

Alfred, I want you to know that I will always love you. You are my brother and it would feel wrong not to love you. I always looked up to you. I loved the way you spoke your mind and were so confident in yourself. I knew that even if I tried I would never be able to compare to you. I would always stay in the shadows and be invisible. You were my family long before Francis or Arthur came along. You were the only one there for me but sometimes I wonder just how much you cared about me. Like everyone else, you ignored me. It was as if I didn't even exist to you. I was almost as invisible to you as I was to everyone else. How could you forget about me? Didn't you care? Why did you always ignore me? Even now as I write this down I can hear your music from the other side of the wall. I'm crying right now because I know you don't care. How could you care if when I start crying all you think of doing is turning up the volume? I am your brother! You don't even notice that at school I get beat up because of you. Did you ever stop and think about how your popularity affected me? I am always the first target and you never notice. Just today I was beaten up once more and all you said was "Leave that poor guy alone." Did you forget that "that poor guy" was your brother? I love you and I care for you Alfred but I wonder just how much you care for me.

Arthur, I am sorry for what this will do to you but it has to be said. "Who?" I remember you saying that. I remember everyone saying that. You were my dad Arthur. I loved you and I cared for you as I did with Alfred. I never stopped to wonder if you didn't care for me because I knew that you did. Why else would you have taken me into your home when no one else did? You noticed me all those years ago and you adopted me even if it was because of Alfred. I was so happy that day. It was the best day of my life. Then you started forgetting me as well. When Francis asked about me you would sometimes say "who?" as if you didn't remember that you had a second son. You don't know how much I hated it because I never said anything. I came to hate that question. I came to dread it. Every time you came home from work you ranted to Alfred about not doing his chores or not doing his homework but you never said anything to me. You never told me anything so when Francis came home and asked where I was you would sometimes say "I don't know." or "who?" Francis had to remind you of me and even then, it took you awhile. I guess that you didn't notice me as much because I was calm. I didn't say anything so you never had to yell at me. I wasn't like Alfred. When I was younger my only wish was that everyone would stop asking me who I was. But it never happened. You even forgot my birthdays Arthur. You forgot me. If you look closely enough in some of the pictures in the attic of Alfred's birthday or of Christmas, you can see me in the background crying because I am empty handed. Sometimes you went as far as giving Alfred gifts on my birthday and you completely forgot that I was there. No matter what you'll think when you read this that is if you ever read this, I will always think of you as a father. An absent father that more often than not forgot I even existed but a father nonetheless.

Francis, the day of our adoption, I knew that no one would come see me. As always the attention was focused on Alfred. Even at that age people already forgot me, they forgot to feed me, they forgot to put me to bed, and they forgot I existed... It was Alfred that had to go and tell them that they had forgotten to feed me. But sometimes he was so busy with his friends from the orphanage that he forgot that his little brother wasn't fed. Because of this, I dreaded the day in which Alfred would get adopted. I was afraid that even if Alfred told his new parents about me that they wouldn't notice me and take only Alfred. I was afraid that Alfred would forget about me and leave me behind. If Alfred was adopted without me then I would stay in that damn orphanage to be malnourished and forgotten for the rest of my life.

But that day, instead of going to see Alfred like Arthur did you went to see me, you noticed me. You presented yourself and we talked for hours on end. That day you decided that we would be your children. That day you promised me something. "Je te promets Matthew que je ne t'oublierai jamais, tu seras toujours visible à mes yeux." (I promise Matthew that I will never forget you, you will always be visible in my eyes.)

Because of that promise I always trusted you more than anyone else. You were better than all the other adults. You believed in me, you encouraged me when the going got tough, you would comfort me when I couldn't go on anymore and you congratulated and celebrated my success. Neither Alfred nor Arthur ever did that with me but you did. Even though Alfred forgot that he had a little brother and Arthur forgot I existed, I knew that you would never forget me. I always felt more comfortable around you. When we would talk, I knew that I could confide in you because I knew that you would understand and that you wouldn't judge me. You were always there for me.

Unfortunately, it was too good to be true. You started forgetting me like everyone else but it was more gradual. At first, you only forgot my name. Afterwards, you would always apologize and say that it was completely normal for a parent to forget his child's name. But as the months passed you started to forget more than my name. It was no longer a simple mistake that any parent could do. It was much worse. You forgot my birthday and you stopped coming to my hockey matches. They weren't important to you anymore were they? Only Alfred had the right to your attention. But you did much worse. Papa, tu as oublié que tu avais un deuxième fils. (Papa, you forgot that you had a second son)

When you forgot me it hurt so much. I cannot describe the pain I felt in those times. My own father had no idea who this "Matthew" that the school talked about was. You have no idea how betrayed I felt when you asked that damn question "who?" You were supposed to remember me! You were never supposed to repeat the question that had become Arthur's favourite! You have no idea how much I cried when at dinner you forgot to serve me and wondered aloud why there was a fourth plate. You have no idea how angry I was with you. I believe you when you told me that I was important to you but it was all a lie wasn't it? I trusted you and you betrayed me. Je n'étais rien pour toi, même pas un fils. (I was nothing to you, not even a son)

But papa, I realise as I am writing this letter that I still love you. Even after all you did, I will always remember the days where we used to play. I will always remember when I was happy because of you. I am thankful for all the memories I had with you. You were a wonderful father. I don't resent you for having forgotten me, it wasn't your fault. J'aimerais simplement te demander si tu as un jour essayer de tenir la promesse que tu m'avais fait il y a tant d'années. (I just want to know if you have on day tried to keep the promise that you made to me all those years ago) Did it mean anything to you? Or did it mean nothing at all?

I am incredibly doubtful that this will ever reach you but I am writing it anyway. You have always been my best friend Gilbert. I never had any friends, to begin with so it really was a shock to me when you approached me for the first time. You said that you had noticed that in some classes the teachers called Alfred's name twice, that in some classes that Alfred wasn't in they called his name as well and that in other classes they didn't call him at all when there was someone that looked extremely like him there as well. You were my friend but you never noticed that one of your friends beat me up constantly. It's because of him that I'm leaving. Did you notice that when you asked me to come eat sit you and your friends I always said no? It wasn't because I particularly disliked them but because I couldn't stand the thought of sitting with the one that bullied me so mercilessly just to get to Alfred. I always liked Roderich and Elizabeta. They were always nice to me. I never minded your brother since we never really talked. But it was someone else in your group of friends that destroyed me. I'm not going to say his name because I know that he'll get into trouble if I do. Gilbert, I questioned our friendship from the start. You can't really blame me for it since every time someone talked to me it was to get closer to Alfred. It didn't help that you sometimes called me Alfred. I never could figure out why. Wasn't I your friend? Weren't you of all people supposed to remember me? Sometimes you forgot about me for a day and I had to remind myself that we were friends. When you left for Germany I thought that I could make it on my own till you came back. But then you had to go and say that you might stay and never come back. I was afraid of losing the only person that ever cared about me. I was so afraid. And then you ignored me for a week. No call, no text, no nothing. I just received a text from you and I want to leave now more than ever. You might never come back. I might be alone for the rest of my life without anyone to realise that I am there. I can't do it anymore. I have to leave.

I wrote this letter for all of you. Not because I resent you and I want you to know how much you all hurt me but because I want you to know that I won't be coming back. I'm not dead. Or at least I hope I'm not by the time you find this. All I want you to know is that I won't be coming back. I know that I am not welcome. I know that if Alfred hadn't told you about me then you would have never adopted me as well. I know that if Alfred hadn't been there you would have never noticed me. Alfred, Arthur, Francis and Gilbert you were the people I cared the most for. You forgot me, you ignored me and you hurt me. I don't hate you. By the time you read this I will be long gone. You will probably find this in a month at best. Maybe you won't ever find this and you'll live on not wondering why there is an extra room or plate on the table. I'll probably be dead. I won't have survived the cold of the nights of October. Alfred will go about his days as usual. Arthur and Francis will be happy and content. Gilbert probably won't even notice that I'm gone. And I will be shaking on a park bench trying to let sleep claim me as the cold nights take all the energy I have. I will be singing merry Christmas to myself that is if I make it that long, while the last bits of warmth escape me. I won't be coming back. You will all live your lives happily as if I had never existed. As if Matthew Kirkland-Bonnefoy was just a dream. As if you didn't use to have a brother, a son and a friend. As if I had never even been alive. Eventually, I will become but a distant memory to you all. I won't exist anymore and then I truly will be invisible. I will be as invisible as I have always been. I will fade into the shadows of your minds and you won't even remember. You won't see that something is missing.

You won't miss me.

Goodbye,

Matthew Kirkland-Bonnefoy"

No, this couldn't be possible. Arthur remembered to whom this room belonged to. It wasn't a simple guest room. No, this room was the room that his son had lived in. This was his son's bedroom. Matthew…

''How could I forget you?'' He whispered as the tears started flowing. ''How could I forget that I had a son?''

He gripped the letter in his hands and let the tears flow freely. And to think he almost didn't find it. He would have gone out of the room without noticing the desk filled with pictures. He would have left the letter there to gather dust till finally, he dared to enter. Maybe he would have never found the letter like his son had predicted. If he hadn't noticed the piece of paper, he might have found it too late. Was he too late? No, he had to be alive. He just had to be.

''MATTHEW!'' He cried in despair at the loss of his son. He collapsed on the bed and let the letter fall to the floor. With his head in his hands, he cried like he had never cried before. His own son might be dead and he had no idea how long he had been outside. How could this happen? How had it come to this? How could his day have taken this dark turn? If only he had noticed his son leave. If only he had not forgotten him. Then his little Matthew would still be there. His son would still be here. Arthur would not have been sitting on his bed crying. He would have come back with Alfred with a smile on his face. He would be alive.

''Dad!'' Screamed Alfred. Arthur heard the door slam. ''I'm hungry! I want food!''

Arthur took no notice of his son yelling at him. All he could think of was his second son out there on the streets cold and alone and hungry. Did Alfred not care that his brother was missing? Did he even know? He kept on crying.

Noticing that his father wasn't answering him he called for him again. ''Dad?'' He said. ''Where are you? I'm fucking hungry. I haven't eaten anything at school. Except for my lunch and maybe my friends' lunch too.''

He started going up the stairs thinking that his dad was asleep and that he'd have to wake him up to get his food. But then as he reached the top of the stair he heard crying come from the room next to his. There were some words mixed in with the sobs as well. They sounded like ''Matthew.'' and ''why?''. Not understanding what was going on he pushed open the door and saw his father sitting on the bed crying.

''Arthur?'' He whispered. ''What's going on?''

Arthur did not respond. He simply looked over at the wall expressionless. Alfred was starting to get scared. Why would his father be crying in the guest room? Then he noticed the piece of paper lying on the floor. He picked it up and his father turned to look at him with that same blank expression.

''How could we forget Alfred?'' He said. ''How could we forget him? My own son. How did I not realise that he was gone?''

''Who are you talking about? I'm your only son.''

''Don't you remember Matthew?'' His face fell. ''Your brother?''

''I-I… Who?''

''Read it, Alfred. Read it and tell me you don't remember him.''

 **Authors note: The next chapter will be uploaded during the weekend. Because we are two people writing this and we can't see each other every day it means that the next chapter will be uploaded later. You might have noticed that we both have very different writing styles as you can see in the letter. One of us is French and the other is English. If you see any sentence in the Francis part of the letter that does not fit or that seems weirdly phrased it's because the original text (by which we mean the first draft) was in French. We translated it ourselves to fit into the story while still keeping a few sentences from the original text. We did not use Google translate. We both speak and write French only one of us has an easier time with it.**


	3. Chapter 3

_''_ _Read it Alfred. Read it and tell me you don't remember him.'' Arthur had said._

Alfred looked down at the letter in his hands and started reading it. As he read further and further he became angrier and angrier. What sort of sick joke was this? He only made it as far as the part about Arthur and then stopped. He didn't believe, like Arthur did, that Matthew hated them. He didn't read the part where Matthew said that he was leaving. He never got to the part that said that Matthew would probably die. Alfred thought that this was a prank played by his brother, a very sick prank.

''Mattie this isn't funny!'' He yelled as he ran around the room. He savagely opened the closet door. ''I know you're here somewhere, you're watching our reactions! This is a sick joke Mattie. You made Arthur cry for God's sake!''

He looked inside the closet and found nothing. Then he got down on his knees and looked under the bed for any sign of Matthew. Still nothing.

''Dad it's fine.'' He said. ''This is just a prank. He's somewhere in the house laughing at us, I know it.''

Arthur tried to say something but found that he couldn't. The words were stuck in his throat and his sobs were the only thing that dared come out. He didn't want to break Alfred as well. Let him believe that his brother is still here but he will have to accept the truth. Alfred had obviously not read the letter in its entirety. Otherwise he would be crying in his father's arms over the loss of Matthew. Instead he was running around the house trying to find his long-gone brother.

''Dad,'' Alfred screamed from the kitchen. ''we don't have any cans anymore. He's not in the house that's for sure, I looked everywhere. I'll go look in the shed.''

''So it wasn't him that took the cans.'' Arthur whispered. ''Matthew did.''

Alfred ran outside and checked the shed. Matthew wasn't there either but he still looked around for any hints of his brother. It was then that he found that they were missing a sleeping bag, his swiss army knife and the only flashlight they had.

''Okay Matthew that's enough.'' He screamed as he ran around the yard. ''You're playing a sick game here. You got it all planned out. You knew that I was going to run down to the shed so you took the things that would make it look like you ran away. You wanted to see us cry, that's sadistic Matthew. You wanted to make us to worry about you, you wanted attention. Stop hiding in the shadows. It's not funny anymore. Your prank has gone too far now. It was never funny. I know you're there. You have to be.''

He suddenly stopped screaming. Alfred had started to realise that maybe his brother was truly gone. That maybe this wasn't all just some sick joke. Matthew really did run away.

''Matt come out now, please.'' Alfred begged. ''You got what you wanted now stop. It's not funny.'' His voice broke at the end. He didn't want to cry. He didn't want to believe that his only brother was gone. He had to be strong. ''Where are you?''

 _He received no response._

He ran back inside to the room where he had left a crying Arthur. Maybe he knew where he was. Maybe Arthur was in on the prank. But then why would he be crying?

Alfred read the letter again and this time he didn't stop. He read on till the last word. He read about Francis and his brother's only friend Gilbert. He didn't even know who that was. He didn't even know that his brother had friends. He thought that maybe inside he would find a hint about his brother's whereabouts. But he found nothing at all. The only thing he saw was a confirmation of his biggest fear. His brother had indeed run away and he didn't know since when he had disappeared or since when he had felt like he was nothing.

''I'm not a hero.'' Alfred whispered. ''I've never been a hero. If I was then I would have realised how Mattie felt.''

 _I should have realised that he felt like shit_. He thought. _If I hadn't been so concentrated on my own life, then maybe I would have realised that he was hurting. I would have realised that the bullying never stopped. After I made them stop I thought that it would never happen again and that he would be safe. Maybe it did stop for a week or two but once I forgot it started again. I'm not the brother he deserves because I didn't see that the poor dude who always got bullied and beaten was my own brother. I was so selfish that I never stopped and thought about the impact that my popularity had on him. I made myself many enemies and I never thought that they would hurt him just to get to me. I thought that if they had any problem with me then they would come see me not go as low as attacking a member of my own family. He got beaten and bullied because of me and I didn't even care or notice. He came home beaten and broken for god knows how many times and I never noticed. It's all my fault._

 _I remember turning the volume up, now. I thought that he was playing a horror game or watching a scary movie. I didn't even think of the consequences of my actions. But it can't have been the day that he ran away. That was_ more _than a month ago._

''What a horrible brother I am. He's been gone for at least a month and I never noticed.'' Alfred whispered. ''He probably still thinks that nobody cares about him. That he's still invisible. He's probably crying himself to sleep and it's all our fault.''

Arthur suddenly came back to reality and turned to Alfred.

''What did you just say? How long has he been gone?''

''A month. At least I think so.''

''B-but we would have noticed! He's not that invisible. Maybe Francis knows where he is. Matthew was always closer to him. Maybe he knows when he left.''

''Didn't you read the letter? He thinks Francis betrayed him.''

''We still have to call him.''

Francis was at work when his phone started ringing. He saw from the caller ID that it was Arthur calling him. He knew that it must be important because his husband only called him during the day if there was an emergency. But he was reticent to pick it up as the last time Arthur had called him it was to say that there was no more tea in the house. Maybe this was one of those times. But he never took the chance. Maybe something bad had happened to Alfred.

''Bonjour Arthur, what do you want? Is there another tea shortage?'' He said sarcastically.

''Um, no dad it's Alfred, it's about-''

''Did something happen to Arthur?!''

''No he's fine I swear. It's about Matthew. He r-ran away.'' Alfred's voice cracked.

''Alfred are you crying?'' Francis asked his voice full of worry.

''Didn't you fucking hear me?! Your _son,_ Matthew, ran away! Who fucking cares if _I'm_ crying! Don't you care about him?'' Alfred screamed in the phone.

''Calm down Alfred. What are you saying? I care about him. He's my son.''

Alfred told him all that they knew.

''How do you know about the promise I made to him?''

''It's all written in the letter. He wrote about all of us and the reasons why he left. The promise that you failed to keep was one of them.''

''I didn't think he cared that much about that promise.''

''Well he did.'' Alfred said. ''And now he thinks that we never cared about him.''

''But we do care about him!''

''We never showed it. So, do you know where he is?''

''How could I know where he is if I didn't even know he was gone?!''

''B-but you remember at least the last time you saw him, right?''

''I really didn't notice. A week ago I guess or maybe three weeks?'' Francis was starting to hyperventilate as he realised that he had no idea. He should have seen his son leave, right? He should have noticed that his son was never in his room anymore. He should have noticed.

''I think it's been a month.'' Alfred said.

 _''_ _NON! C'est impossible, un mois c'est beaucoup trop de temps, un mois dehors sans abris ou nourriture, c'est un suicide. Je sais qu'il n'est pas mort, il ne peut simplement pas l'être._ (No! It's impossible. A month is way too long, a month outside without shelter or food is suicidal. I know he is not dead, he simply can't be.)

''I don't understand what you're saying. But he might still be alive. Do you know a guy named Gilbert?''

''I once heard Matthew talk to him on the telephone. But I have no idea who he is or where he comes from.''

''That's better than nothing.''

''I'm coming home. We are going to find him now.''

''Okay but when I hang up call Mattie's phone. If he has it with him then maybe, we can find him.''

 _''_ _On se revoit dans deux minutes.''_ (We will see each other in two minutes.)

''Dad I just called Francis. He knows about Matthew and his friend. But he doesn't know when Mattie left. He's going to call Matthew's phone so that we can know if he's fine. We might even be able to track him down and save him. We are sure to find him now.''

And suddenly they heard a song come from under the bed:

 _O Canada!  
Our home and native land!  
True patriot love in all thy sons command._

 _With glowing hearts, we see thee rise,  
The True North strong and free!_

 _From far and wide,  
O Canada, we stand on guard for thee_

It was Matthew's ringtone. Arthur slowly went under the bed and grabbed the phone. When Alfred saw that it was Matthew's phone his heart sank. All hope of finding his brother were lost. He felt pure hopelessness.

Arthur answered the phone and he heard his husbands voice.

''Je suis tellement content, que tu as répondu. Nous nous soucions tellement de toi. On avait tellement peur de ne plus jamais te revoir. On regrette tous. On regrette de-'' (I am so happy that you answered. We care so much about you. We were so scared that we would never see you again. We regret everything. We regret that-)

''Francis it's me.''

The line went silent. They heard Francis break down crying.

 _Now how could they find him?_

 **A/n We don't know exactly when the next chapter will be uploaded but we promise that it will be in the following week.**


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

''Maybe we can look at his texts and find out who this Gilbert guy is.'' Alfred stammered.

Arthur silently nodded and handed the phone to his son. In a heartbeat, he opened the message app and searched for Gilbert. It wasn't hard to find him as he was the only one that had messaged Matthew during his absence. The other messages from their parents went back to two months ago. He thought that this was strange as the last messages that their parents had left for him were from two days ago.

''25 unread messages from Gilbert.'' He said aloud. ''Most of the unread messages is him asking Matt if he's mad at him, asking where he is and why he isn't answering back.''

Weirdly enough a lot of the messages seemed to call Mattie Birdie. Was it a weird nickname that Gilbert had given his brother? Alfred didn't like what it implied. Was his brother in a romantic relationship with this dude? No, the letter said that Gilbert was his only friend. The letter never mentioned love.

The last messages that Matthew had seen where:

 _GERMANY IS AWESOME!,_ the text said _, It's so great! I love it here. It's so much better than back home :)_

 _I'm going to want a rematch ;) I've gotten better at hockey and I_ know _that I can kick your ass. Better get ready to lose birdie. See ya later!_

After that the messages started to get more frantic asking why he didn't reply and why he was ignoring him. After a while they started to get angry. _Are you mad at me?_ Said one. _What the fuck did I do? FUCKING REPLY MATT! Seriously, enough is enough. Are you even still there? Seriously tho this is so unawesome. I swear to fucking god if you don't come up with a good fucking reason I will not come back, you fucking idiot._ After that there was a last message saying how sorry Gilbert was about his previous message and asking if Matthew could call him back.

Alfred didn't like the way that he was talking to his little brother.

He stopped looking at the messages and went to look at the missed calls. _29_ missed calls and all of them from Gilbert.

''Can't this guy leave Mattie alone?'' Alfred said.

''What are you talking about?'' Arthur asked.

''29 missed calls as well as all those texts. I'm going to call him.''

''Do you think it's a good idea to call him?''

''It's not like we have a choice. Honestly, I'd rather not call him he seems weird. But if it means finding Matthew then I'll do anything.''

Alfred called Gilbert through Matthew's phone and received an instant reply.

''BIRDIE!'' He heard a guy shout form the other end. ''Where were you? Why didn't you reply to any of my messages? Are you okay? Are you still angry at me? What did I do? Do you know how late it is here? It's fucking 11pm here! But I don't care you called!''

''I'm sorry to disappoint you but I can't answer any of your questions. I'm Matthew's older brother, Alfred.''

''Older brother?'' Gilbert said coldly. ''Since when have you been an older brother to Matthew. If I remember well he said that you and your parents ignored him.''

Silence fell. Alfred had never been so shocked. He hadn't realized that it had been going on for a long time. Then again his brother had written in the letter that he never got any presents. Had this been going on for years? The fact that Mattie's only friend had known just shoved the knife deeper into his heart. What a terrible brother he had been.

''Why'd you call me? And why do you have Matthew's phone?'' Gilbert said coldly.

''Well we found a letter that said that he hated us all and that he ran away.'' Alfred said with the same amount of coldness in his voice as Gilbert had. ''We think it's been about a month. And before you ask yes you were in the letter.''

''You've got to be kidding me.'' He said now with no trace of anger in his voice. ''A month?! That's impossible! Even you can't have been as cold as to forget about him for so long.''

''Well it seems like we are.''

Alfred heard a loud muffled ''Fuck!'' And the sound of something breaking.

''Have you looked for him?'' Gilbert asked his voice shaking in anger.

''Well that's what we were going to do but we don't know where to start which is why we called you.''

''Since when do you know that Matthew ran away? What were you doing all this time?''

''We found out only an hour ago. And _you_ 're the last person he talked to.'' Alfred mumbled.

There came another yell from the other end of the line. Alfred heard some angry German as something else broke. There was a short conversation that he could not understand before silence fell again.

''So you're asking me where he is?''

''Well you must have some idea, you're his best friend.''

''He said that?'' Gilbert muttered. ''Um, I guess look for him in homeless shelters? And…um…''

''Yes, where else? You're the only one who knows him.''

''I have no idea where he could have gone. It's been a month and I'm in Germany, I have no fucking idea where he went.''

Alfred heard cursing come from the other side and two voices shouting angrily at one another. Then, someone grabbed the phone and said ''Fuck it I'm coming back, I'm not letting you do this on your own. I will find him.'' And then the line went dead.

A few moments later, Francis came back home and walked into the room. Without a word, he took the letter from Alfred's hands. He read it in silence and a lone tear rolled on his cheek. He looked up from the letter and looked them in the eyes.

''We are finding him _now_.''

* * *

They spent all the evening and well into the night looking for any sign of Matthew. They asked around for any information on a blond male teenager that looked a lot like the one with them. The boy they were looking for had blueish eyes and a white teddy bear with him. They didn't know for sure if Matthew had taken his bear but as they hadn't seen it in the house it was the only distinguishing thing that he had. They realized after a few hours that they weren't sure if Matthew had passed by there or not as he was never really noticed by anyone.

As they were passing next to a dark alley Alfred noticed something near a dumpster that stood out against the rest of the garbage there. He went into the alley followed closely by Arthur and Francis. They moved around the garbage and found the small white arm of a stuffed animal. Looking through the garbage a bit more they found a little red scarf with the name Matthew written on it.

''It's his bear.'' Francis whispered. ''It's the bear I gave him.''

* * *

They went back home after that. They said nothing in the car but they were all thinking the same thing. What had happened? Why was the bear missing an arm? Had there been a fight? This wasn't normal. They didn't know how long the arm and the scarf had been there. It might have been on the same day that he left or it might have been more recent. But now at least they knew that he was in the city or that he had at least passed through the city.

They ate silently that night not knowing what to say. Was Matthew okay? Their guilt was eating them alive. Alfred was the first one to get up and say ''I'm going to bed.''

Alfred tried his best to sleep that night. But each time he thought of his brother again and he found that he couldn't close his eyes. He was scared that if he fell asleep he would not remember his brother in the morning. He had to find a way to make sure he slept. If he didn't then he wouldn't be able to look for him the next day. Still, he didn't want to take the chance. He had to have something with him to remember. Slowly he got up and went to his brother's room and laid down on the bed.

Arthur and Francis had gone to bed not long after Alfred. Arthur had tried his best to cheer up his husband but he hadn't been able to do much. Francis kept saying that they were the worst parents in the world and that they didn't deserve to have children. Weirdly enough Francis was the first to fall asleep.

Arthur tried to sleep as well but feared that if he did then he would wake up with Alfred gone. After an hour of trying to sleep, he heard crying coming from the hallway. Not wanting to hear his son cry he went to his room to comfort him. But when he opened the door Alfred wasn't there. He started to hyperventilate and went back to his room and woke up Francis.

''Francis, wake up!'' He shouted while shaking him. ''Alfred's gone! He's not in his room. He's gone like Matthew. He's gone forever.'' Suddenly they heard a voice come from behind them.

''I'm still here.''

Arthur turned around extremely relieved to hear the sound of Alfred's voice. He was shocked to see that Alfred had tears in his eyes as he held one of Matthew's sweatshirts.

''Why do you have that in your arms?''

''It's so I won't forget him.''

Alfred said nothing else as he turned around and went back inside Matthew's room. Arthur and Francis went back to bed silently not saying a word. They hadn't realised it till Alfred said it aloud but they were all scared of the same thing. Forgetting Matthew. A few minutes later, both got up and went to join Alfred in their lost son's room. They sat down on the floor and set down the sheets that they had brought. Without a word said to each other they all went to sleep knowing that they would wake up surrounded by what was left of Matthew. They would not forget him. They did not want to forget him. They would remember him when they woke up and they would find him. They will find him. Whether he is dead or alive they will find Matthew and bring him home.

 **A/N Sorry for being late by one day. It was the end of the semester for us so we really didn't have that much free time. We swear that this will be the last time since we have no homework to do for at least two weeks. Don't worry in the next chapter you will see Matthew. We think it's kind of dumb that it's a Matthew fanfic and yet we've only put him in a few scenes. The next chapter will be uploaded next weekend.**


	5. Chapter 5

While Arthur, Francis and Alfred were trying to sleep Matthew was too. Curled up in a ball inside his sleeping bag holding a battered stuffed bear he tried to sleep. He was in a dark alleyway somewhere in the city but he didn't know exactly where he was.

''What do you think they're doing right now Kuma?'' He whispered to the stuffed animal. ''They're probably sleeping soundly aren't they? They're probably having family game night. Alfred must be shouting at Arthur that he's winning while Francis has been out of the game for a while. They must be laughing right now. Arthur is probably tired of Alfred's shit. They're probably ending their game right about now.''

The bear didn't answer.

''I only wish that I knew what day we are.'' Matthew said. ''I want to know how long I've been away.''

He heard an airplane fly overhead and looked up thinking of his friend that was so far away.

''I wonder what Gilbert is doing. Probably still sleeping. I should have brought a watch along with me. Maybe I should have planned this better. I could have stayed a week longer. It's not like anyone would have noticed anyway. It was dumb to leave without at least some preparation. I should have known that it wouldn't be as easy as I thought.''

Matthew remembered the first night that he had spent alone in the streets. He had been so scared then. He didn't know the rules of the streets. He didn't know that you never sleep on gang territory. He had learned that the hard way. That night he had been tempted to go back but he didn't.

 _Matthew had never been more scared in his entire life. Where would he go? Where would he sleep? Where would he eat? Did he have enough money to last him through the winter? Probably not. He didn't know where to go to sleep. Was he supposed to find a specific place? Would he get arrested if he stayed there? Were there designated places for homeless people?_ Homeless. _It was the first time that he had thought of himself as that. He truly was homeless. He never thought of the house in which he had lived in for all of his childhood as home. A home is where you feel loved and where you feel like you belong. He never thought that he belonged there. But sometimes when everything started to go wrong he felt as if he was loved. Even if it was just for a second. He remembered the time that Alfred nearly got detention after trying to beat up Ivan, Carlos and Lovino. It was one of the few times that he had felt loved in that place. But he had always had a place to sleep. He had had a house. But now…_

He had nothing.

 _There was no point in denying it now. He had no idea where he was going. Nobody would be coming for him. He walked for hours on end not wanting to spend his money on the bus till he finally reached a desolate park in which he hoped to find a place to sleep. It wouldn't be the first time that he would be sleeping under the stars. He found a patch of ground that seemed to be more comfortable than the rest and set his stuff down. But before he could unpack he heard voices coming from behind him._

 _''_ _What the fuck are you doing?'' said a deep voice. Matthew slowly turned around to be faced with a buff older teenager carrying a machete. There were four other teenagers behind him and they all looked more menacing than the last._

 _''_ _You can sleep anywhere but here kid.'' A girl said._

 _''_ _This is our gang's turf. Get your own place.'' Said another one._

 _''_ _S-sorry. I-I didn't know.'' Matthew said. ''It's my first night out and I don't know where to go. Can you please tell were to go? I swear you will never see me again.''_

 _''_ _Like we said, everywhere but here.'' Said the guy with the machete._

 _''_ _Try to avoid some of the buildings around this place.'' Said the girl._

 _''_ _But leave now, while you still can. They won't let you go.'' Said someone else._

 _''_ _They're coming.''_

 _Matthew didn't need to be told twice. He took his stuff and started to run. But he didn't get far._

 _''_ _At least we could get some money out of him.'' Said the person holding him. ''It's his first night he must still have some money on him.''_

 _''_ _Please don't.'' Matthew whispered tears forming in his eyes. What had he got himself into?_

 _''_ _Let the kid go.'' Said the girl. ''Don't you remember when it was our first night? What would you have done to be left alone then? I would have given the world for a bit of help. Don't be a dick. He's just a kid so leave him alone.''_

 _The guy that was holding him let him go. Matthew ran for his life without looking back. He knew that if he stayed a second more then he might not get out unscarred. He climbed over a fence and ran. At that moment, all he wished for was to be able to go home. He didn't care if they didn't want him back. This wasn't fair._

 _Tears were running down his face as he ran away from the park. He tried to think of a place where he could stay but everywhere he turned he saw different gangs come out. He had nowhere to go._

 _Or did he? As he stopped running he remembered a park near his house where Alfred and him would sometimes go to when they were young. He had gone there with Gilbert once just to hang out. There he would be safe. That night he had slept far away and yet close enough to his family to feel safe. He would never admit it but he loved the fact that even if he was gone he was still close to his family. He would always love them even when he knew they didn't love him back._

''Do you remember the first night we spent outside Kuma?'' Matthew said to his bear. ''We got cornered by a gang. At least _that_ one didn't hurt us. Well, one good thing came out of that. Remember the girl that told us where we could get food? She was with them. Remember how she told us where we could sleep? I wonder where she is now. Probably still with that gang.''

 _''_ _If you go down the street you'll see a Soup Kitchen. It's where homeless people who don't have money go to eat food. But they only serve twice a day. So, you have to find another way to eat.''_

 _''_ _Thanks.''_

 _''_ _See you in hell kid.'' She had said with a smile._

''I wonder what she meant by that.'' Matthew said. ''Maybe she's dead now. Maybe that's what she meant. Maybe she knew that she was going to die soon.''

There was a long silence.

''Remember last week when we went to see how our family was doing? That was the worst idea I've had in a long time.'' Matthew laughed bitterly. ''We stood near the end of the street watching them and they didn't even see us. Like always.''

 _Matthew was standing at the end of the street watching his family get into the car. Alfred was being loud as usual, Francis was laughing at him and Arthur was trying to get the both of them to shut up. None of them noticed the boy in the torn t-shirt and dirty pants who was now so thin you could almost see his bones. They didn't notice the boy that was sickly pale who was watching them intently. They acted naturally as if there was nothing more where he stood than air. They acted as if something wasn't missing._

 _''_ _I knew it.'' Matthew said aloud. ''You don't miss me. You don't even know I'm gone. Or maybe you just don't care. Thanks for adopting me but it would have been kinder to have forgotten about me from the start.''_

He felt anger burn inside of him. They had never cared for him, had they? Even when he looked so broken, they had never cared. He could have stood before them with a knife in his chest and they wouldn't have cared. He could have gone and gotten himself involved in a gang and they still wouldn't have cared. He could be covered in scars and yet they wouldn't care.

He was so lost in his thoughts that he didn't hear the noises at the end of the alley. He was so lost in his thoughts that he didn't see the figures approach him. He saw them only once they were a few meters away from him. When he saw them, Matthew scrambled to pick his things up. This was gang territory, Matthew thought, I shouldn't be here. Matthew had been sleeping in that alleyway for a few days. It had never crossed his mind that this might be gang territory. If it had been then wouldn't someone had come earlier? Still Matthew hurriedly tried to pack his stuff.

Three guys approached him. The one in the middle looked at him with a strange glint in his eyes and a smirk. He took out a knife and with a nod motioned to his friends the presence of Matthew. ''Well look guys, seems like we have a new member.''

Matthew started to feel threatened so he grabbed the rest of his stuff that was still on the floor. There was too much stuff so he had to let some things behind. Everything that was important he took and started to run towards the other end of the alley.

It was a dead end.

There was another side, Matthew thought frantically, I know there was another side. This is the third time I've been here. There was always another side. Where is the other side? I can't see it. There is only a wall! Where is the other side? I have to run.

Matthew had not realised it before but he had gone into the wrong street. He had been sleeping in an alley but not this one. He had taken a wrong turn that day and had found himself in a strange alley. One where he had never been. One that was on gang territory.

Then Matthew remembered that he had the swiss army knife that he had taken from his brother. He looked for it inside the stuff that he had taken and found nothing. There across the alley, right at the foot of on of the guys was the knife. The swiss army knife sparkled by the light of the streetlights at the other side of the alley. The guy noticed it and picked it up. He looked back at Matthew with a malicious smile. ''Looking for something?''

Matthew felt the blood drain form his face. He felt sick. He had no way to defend himself and he was in a place he didn't know. He was alone with strange people. Strange people that were armed. There was nothing he could do.

Matthew tried to make it look like he was defenceless. He brought his arms up and threw his backpack on the ground. ''If I give you all my stuff will you leave me alone? I'm sorry I didn't know that this place belonged to you.''

They started laughing and the two guys that had been previously unarmed, save for the one with Matthew's knife, took out their own. The guy in the middle motioned for the other two to go over to Matthew. Mathew backed up till his back was up against the brick wall at the end of the alley.

One of the guys punched him in the gut. Matthew hunched over in pain. He was then kicked in the knees, punched in the face and had his head slammed repeatedly on the ground. He had gone into the fetal position while shaking with fear on the ground. Matthew was close to losing consciousness.

Then one guy pulled him up by the hair and held him in place by putting a knife to his throat. He could do nothing now. He was trapped. The guy pressed the knife on his throat and drew blood. Matthew was shaking with fear. He thought that his life was going to end there. Tears had started running uncontrollably down his face. A few made their way down to his neck and the salty tears stung. He sobbed and the guy holding him pressed the knife harder against his throat.

''Shut up.'' He said.

''Alfred!'' Matthew screamed in desperation. ''Please, save me.'' He whispered. If there was one person that could save him now it was his brother. The hero. The one that would come to his aid at the last possible moment. But there was no one. There was no one that appeared at the end of the alley. There was no one.

The other two guys, to shut Matthew up, started lightly running their knives on all the exposed parts of Matthew's body. On his stomach, on his arms. Every place their knives an through his skin pearls of blood appeared. The tears flowed even harder. The pain was flaring at every part the tears touched his skin. He was so so afraid.

''Please, I'm begging you, I don't want to die.'' Matthew muttered his tears making him sound incoherent.

He hadn't noticed that one of the guys had moved towards the wall and picked up a brick. As Matthew uttered those last words, a brick came flying and hit him on the side of the head. The last thing that Matthew saw was the earthy brown of the brick before he was knocked out cold.

* * *

Alfred woke up the next morning crying over his brother. Neither Francis nor Arthur could make him stop crying. He seemed to be broken beyond repair.

* * *

 **A/N Please don't kill us.**

 **So… we had fun writing this chapter. Yeah... Thanks for all the nice reviews. It really means a lot to us. We never thought that people would actually like it. To see you all enjoy this story it means the world to us. So thank you. This is not the end. They still haven't found Mattie. Maybe he'll be dead maybe not. WE ARE THE ONLY ONES WHO KNOW!**

 **But seriously thank you.**

 **Edit: The 'fight' scene at the end was changed, because we didn't like the first version.**


	6. Chapter 6

It took Alfred an hour to calm down. When he had opened his eyes the world seemed the same as it had been the day before. But then reality crashed down on him and everything that had happened came back. His brother was missing and there was little he could do. It was only with Francis's words that he was able to stop crying.

''It's just a dream, Alfred.'' Francis had said. ''It's only a dream.''

''Is he going to come back?'' Alfred asked.

Neither Francis nor Arthur replied. They didn't know if they were ever going to find their son. Arthur had lost hope of finding him alive. To him there was no way that he could be alive. Not after all that time. Francis on the other hand was more hopeful in finding Matthew. But he too thought the probability of his son being alive were extremely slim. He still hoped that they would be able to find him and that he would still be breathing. Francis wanted the chance to tell his son that he loved him. He wanted to tell him that he was sorry. He wanted to spend time with his Matthew and to see him smile one last time. If they were to find him dead… He couldn't think about that. They would find him alive. They just had too.

Francis had tried to feed Alfred. But Alfred had refused. Maybe it was because he couldn't eat with the thought of his brother starving in his mind. Alfred didn't remember seeing his brother a week before. Matthew had been right. They didn't even know that he was gone. By then it had been three weeks since Matthew had run away. But no one actually knew this fact. To them, nothing was wrong or off. Nothing was missing. Alfred did not remember this. If he had, he would have never been able to live with himself.

Alfred had argued with Francis and Arthur about going to school. He wanted to spend the day searching for his brother but neither one of his parents would let him. He had to go to school. They knew that if they didn't find Matthew or if Matthew was found dead Alfred would still have to go to school. Even if they had to drag him there Alfred would keep his normal routine. His life couldn't stop even if Matthew was gone. They would all have to move on. They would all have to keep going even if they knew that they had made the biggest mistake of their lives.

* * *

Alfred's day at school had been a living hell. No one understood what had happened to the normally very loud and extroverted Alfred. He had turned into this quiet and ready to explode guy overnight.

''Dude, what happened? You look like your dog died.'' Said one of his friends.

''W-well,'' Alfred said in a shaky voice. ''Matthew ran away. He-''

''Wait, you actually had a dog?'' His friend said. ''I was only joking dude. Why didn't you tell me?''

''I don't have a dog.'' Alfred said forcefully his anger slipping into his voice. ''Matthew is my brother.''

''You have a brother?'' His friend asked confused. ''I don't remember you ever talking about him. Does he go here?''

''Yes.'' Alfred said his hands shaking. ''I'm sure I mentioned him at least once. He's my little brother. I'm not heartless.''

''Nope, never heard of him.'' He said. ''Does he live in your house?''

''He's a year younger than me. Where do you think he lives?''

''Are you sure, Al?'' He asked. ''I've never seen anyone other than you and your dads in your house. But now that I think about it every time I came over to your house for dinner there was always five chairs. Sometimes there was a guy sitting there.''

''Yeah that was my brother.'' Alfred said beginning to lose his patience.

''It's weird since about a month ago the fifth place went empty. After a while, the fifth chair disappeared and there were only four chairs. I was always sitting in the fourth chair.''

Alfred's anger faded. He just realized that someone else had noticed the disappearance before they had. What a pathetic excuse for a family they were.

He spent the rest of the day asking people if they had seen Matthew. Eventually, he stumbled upon a girl named Elizabeta.

''Matthew?'' She had said. ''As in Matthew the guy that's friends with Gilbert?''

''You know him?'' Alfred said with joy lacing his words. ''Have you seen him?''

''Uh…no.'' Elizabeta said. ''I only know about him because Gilbert keeps talking about him. I met him once or twice and he looked nice. Why do you ask?''

''There's no point in telling you. You won't know where he is anyway.''

''If Gilbert keeps talking about him don't you think he would have told me that Matthew ran away? And before you ask he called me yesterday at nine o'clock. He was freaking out and crying at the same time. I think he feels guilty about Matthew running away.''

''Do you have any idea where he could be?''

''I don't know.'' She said. ''I'm sorry but I can't help you. Gilbert will though. Good luck.''

After having talked to Elizabeta, Alfred found no new information. No one knew who Matthew was or where he could be. Very little people had even realised that he had disappeared. No one had seen him in the last month. So, at the end of the day, Alfred went home with a heavy heart. When he reached his house, he found another car parked in the driveway. He had never seen that car before.

When he reached the front door, he realized that it was unlocked. Someone that shouldn't be there was inside the house.

He carefully entered the house and heard noises coming from upstairs. He quickly took his baseball bat that was next to the door. He made his way upstairs and noticed that the sounds were coming from Matthew's room. He noiselessly entered the room and saw an albino guy tearing the room apart.

''What the fuck are you doing in my brother's room?'' He shouted. ''And how the fuck did you get into my house?''

''I used the emergency key that you keep under a flower pot in the backyard.'' The guy said as he was opening every drawer in the wardrobe.

''How do you know about that?'' Alfred asked incredulously. He raised the baseball bat. ''Where is he? What did you do to him?'' He carefully approached the guy. ''Where are you keeping him? Did you hurt him? Tell me!''

''Whoa dude,'' He said as he backed away from Alfred. ''Calm down. Everything's fine, I'm just-''

''How is everything fine when you have my brother locked up somewhere?'' Alfred lifted the bat higher. He took another step towards the guy and looked at him dead in the eyes ''I'm taking you to the police right now.''

Gilbert lifted his arms in front of him as a sign of surrender.

''There's no need to call the police.'' He said. ''I'm Matthew's best friend. I'm Gilbert. Drop the fucking weapon!''

''Oh,'' Alfred said as he dropped the bat on the ground. ''you're Gilbert.''

Gilbert nodded. An awkward silence followed.

''Where were you all day?'' Gilbert asked.

''At school.''

''Your brother is missing and you're going to school?''

''It's not like I even had a choice,'' Alfred said. ''My parents made me.''

''Well your parents are stupid.''

After that, their whole conversation was them screaming at each other.

* * *

It had been five days since they had found out about Matthew disappearing and four days since the arrival of Gilbert. Gilbert had searched everywhere for a sign of Matthew but it hadn't been any help. He couldn't find him. The strain from Matthew's disappearance had started to show in the family. No one talked during dinner and they all slept in Matthew's room. Alfred went to school in a trance like state. Francis and Arthur spent every day searching for their son but they had already lost hope.

It didn't help when the police told them that it was unlikely that Matthew would still be alive by the time they found him. The police told them all kinds of stories about teenagers that ran away. Most of them died in the streets. Their only hope was that Matthew had joined a gang of some sorts as it was his best chance at survival but they knew that Matthew would never do such a thing. All they could hope for now was to find his body and receive at least some peace. But they knew that even if they did find his body none of them would ever get over his death. None of them would ever forgive themselves. So, they kept hoping to find him alive. Even when the chances were slim.

Alfred had started putting papers up on the walls of Matthew's room. They were statistics on the chance of survival of the homeless in certain time periods. He also put up stories of people who survived on the streets during the harsh winter months.

Arthur wasn't helping at all. He had started taking Matthew's things and putting them in boxes. He carried them all to the attic. It was too difficult for him to see his son's things. He had lost all hope in ever finding him alive.

Francis stopped smiling. He didn't talk anymore. Sometimes he locked himself in his room and cried. He held a photo and a trophy belonging to Matthew before Arthur came along and put them into a box.

Gilbert suffered through the worse personality change of them all. No one saw him anymore. He spent all his time outside looking for a sign of Matthew in the city. He was desperate and started looking for him in places that he knew Matthew would never be in. He could never give up. Not as long as they hadn't found him. He would search the earth for Matthew and till he found him he would never stop.

* * *

At the end of the sixth day, Gilbert came to the house like always and they all set off yet again in search for Matthew. They looked everywhere in parks, in alleys, behind dumpsters and even under a bridge. Nothing. Finally, they decided to go home. As they passed the park near their house Alfred realized that they hadn't yet searched it. He too was starting to lose hope. Arthur refused but Alfred begged him. Alfred didn't listen and jumped out of the car they were in. Arthur quickly stopped and they all ran after Alfred.

Together they searched one last time knowing that they might not find him. Arthur and Francis searched half-heartedly thinking that they would never find their son. Alfred and Gilbert were frantically searching knowing that if they stopped they might never have another chance at finding him.

Unknown to all of them there was a figure at the other end of the park lying underneath a bench. He had nothing to protect him from the cold and held a teddy bear in his arms. This bear that had once been white was now gray with brown spots on his fur. He was missing an arm and a little red scarf. The figure under the bench was what was left of Matthew Kirkland-Bonnefoy. The once shy boy that said nothing was now shivering from the cold under a bench with little hope for survival.

He knew that this would be his last night. After everything he'd been through he was about to die at the hands of Mother Nature. The night before had been cold and it was no different now. He had nothing left for him. No family, no home, no nothing. How he wished he was in his bed back in the house that used to be his. How he wished for the warmth but all he had was the bench. It was his only protection.

''I wonder if they will find me here.'' He whispered. ''God I hope not. I don't want to go back there ever again. I want to go home.''

 _Matthew woke up in unfamiliar surroundings. He had never been in this place before. All he could remember was being beaten up. Had he passed out? What was going on? And then he remembered. He had been dragged away. A gang had tried to take his stuff and he had been beaten. He had been taken._

 _''_ _Look who's awake.'' Said a voice. ''Sleep well?''_

 _Matthew tried to say something, anything. But he couldn't. He was afraid. He was afraid of this guy. He was afraid of dying._

 _''_ _Let's see what we can make of you.'' The guy said._

 _Matthew fought the hand that was trying to drag him away. He fought with what little energy he had left but it didn't do much. All he got was a punch in the face._

 _''_ _You'll come with me if you know what's good for you.''_

 _''_ _No.'' Matthew said weakly. ''Let me go.''_

 _''_ _Seems you still have some fight in you, twerp.'' The guy replied. ''I'll just have to stomp that out then. Till you learn to do what you are told you won't be eating. Have fun dying of starvation.''_

 _Matthew hadn't eaten in three days. They kept him in a room inside an abandoned building. He was tired and weak. He couldn't move very well anymore. Sometimes he passed out right on the floor which was all he had. One night he woke up with kumajirou in his arms. Someone had brought the bear to him in the middle of the night and it was his only comfort._

 _On the fourth day, the gang started seeing Matthew as a problem. He did nothing. He was useless to them. So the leader decided to start him on drugs. If Matthew didn't want to obey before he would have to now. Either he would get addicted and would beg them for more or he would be afraid and would beg them to stop._

 _They came into the room with syringes ready to inject the poor boy with the drug of their choosing. But before they could even get close to him someone spoke up._

 _''_ _Don't you think this is going too far?'' They said. ''If this kid is useless then why are we wasting this much on him?''_

 _''_ _We could kill him.'' Said another. ''We'd be rid of him.''_

 _''_ _That's not what I meant.'' The first one said._

 _''_ _You want to let him go?'' Said the second one. ''There's no way we can do that. Let's just drug him and get it over with.''_

 _Matthew didn't know what happened afterward. He couldn't remember. But what he was certain is that someone had saved him. Someone had stopped the others from drugging him. He was thankful for that person even if he didn't know who it was._

 _Matthew had escaped. He didn't want to be caught by them again so he went in search for a place to sleep in peace. He had kumajirou with him and it was the reason why he chose to go back to the place he had slept in during his first night. He walked for hours before reaching it. It had taken longer as he hadn't known where he was._

 _He found a bench in a corner of the park that not many people went in and he lay down underneath it. At least he would have some protection from the weather. With his invisible nature he would die under that bench and no one would notice. They would find him during the spring when they would smell his rotting corpse. No one would know who he was and the picture of his family that he always had with him would be put up in the newspaper's obituaries. He would be dead before anyone found him._

''I want to go home Kuma. I don't want to die.'' Matthew whispered not louder than the wind. He heard footsteps not far from the bench and started shaking with fear. ''They found me. I wish I would have died before they found me. Why couldn't I die before they found me?'' He started sobbing weakly into his teddy bear.

''What's that sound?'' Gilbert asked Alfred as they were nearing the bench Matthew was under. ''It sounds like someone crying.''

''I don't want to go back,'' Matthew whispered. ''I don't want to become like them. I want to be with my family again even if they hate me. I want to go home.''

''Do you think it's a homeless?'' Gilbert asked Alfred.

''Maybe.''

''They hate me don't they?'' Matthew continued. ''They didn't even notice that I was gone. I hope they have a good life without me. I hope that they forget about me entirely. I'm going to die Kumajirou. I'm going to die. Once I close my eyes I'll be dead and no one will notice. They'll find what is left of me during spring and no one will mourn me. They won't even remember who I was. They won't even recognise me.''

''It's Matthew,'' Gilbert whispered with wide eyes. ''We found him!''

''Mattie!'' Alfred yelled running towards the bench.

''I'm fading Kuma.'' Matthew whispered. ''I'm invisible. I am dead. I am nothing but a ghost. I will die forgotten and that's fine. My family will never remember me. I am nothing but a shell.''

Matthew closed his eyes as he held kumajirou tighter. The footsteps of a running Alfred got closer and closer till he finally reached his brother. Thin and pale he almost didn't recognise him. But the bear, the only distinguishing feature that Matthew had, was there and that was enough. Francis, Arthur and Gilbert came running a few seconds later. Francis crouched down to feel Matthew's pulse.

''Call an ambulance!'' Alfred shouted. Arthur quickly took out his phone and dialed 911.

''Is he breathing?'' Gilbert asked.

''No.'' Was Francis's reply as he pulled Matthew from under the bench. He started doing CPR.

''Come on Mattie,'' Alfred whispered to his brother. ''Hold on. Please, just a few more minutes. You can do it. Please be alive. Please.''

 _Can you feel that Kuma? I'm falling. I'm gone. I'm not cold anymore. They won't remember me. They won't find me. I'm invisible Kuma._

 _I am dead._

 **A/N** **(evi** l **laughter) did that hurt? We had so much fun writing this chapter. The story isn't done yet so don't worry. We did say that only we knew what happened to dear Matthew. Lots of things could happen but we assure you that we will still be uploading chapters to this story. We aren't so cruel that we would leave you all on an end like this one. The next chapter will be uploaded next week.**


	7. Chapter 7

Francis was trying to revive Matthew with all the strength he had. Pushing down on his chest he hopped that it was enough to bring his son back.

''One, two, three,'' Francis said as he was pushing down on Matthew's chest. After the 30th one he did mouth to mouth. Then he started again.

The ambulance arrived a few minutes later while Francis was still trying to revive Matthew. He never stopped trying to make his son breathe again. Even when the ambulance arrived he kept going. They had to pull him away to be able to get him on a stretcher.

Once on the stretcher, they brought him hurriedly to the ambulance. Francis went in along with his son. Arthur, Alfred and Gilbert watched for a few seconds as the ambulance started in the direction of the hospital.

They didn't know what to do or say. Once they got back to the car, Arthur discarded every rule of the road and drove right behind the ambulance. Gilbert was behind him almost shaking Arthur's seat and screaming at the top of his lungs to go faster. Arthur no longer cared about the speed limit. Alfred, on the other hand, was shaking in his seat trying to drown out the sound with his hands and muttering to himself ''He's going to be okay. He's alive. He's safe. Don't think about his dead body.''

Francis, who was riding in the ambulance, was trying not to freak out and distract the medics working on his son. He was shocked when they placed the breathing mask on Matthew's face and they started screaming orders at each other. He could have sworn that he saw Matthew's hands move. Seeing this he took his son's hands and whispered to him ''Everything's going to be okay. You'll survive this mon petit Matthew just like you've survived all this time on your own.''

* * *

The doctors were able to stabilise Matthew. They examined him for any other problems and then went to tell the rest of the family about the new problems that they found.

''You should sit down for this.'' The doctor said. Before they could all jump to the conclusion that Matthew was dead he continued. ''We were able to stabilise him. He is not in any danger of death. However, we found that along with the broken ribs from the CPR that you performed, he also has a broken arm. We don't know how that happened but it seems fairly recent. We also found that he has a twisted ankle which seems to be an older injury. You said that he had been living on the streets, right?''

''Yeah.'' Alfred replied.

''That explains why he has many bruises and scars. The bruises seem to be from punches that he may have received. Like you may have noticed, he has a black eye and the bruises are all over his body. It's normal for a homeless teenager to have such marks. He probably got in many fights. As for the scars, some seem to have been made with a knife.''

''A KNIFE?!'' They all yelled at the same time.

''What do you mean a knife?'' Arthur yelled.

''It's a typical weapon that teenagers use to defend themselves.'' The doctor continued. ''Matthew is also suffering from slight hypothermia and a mild concussion. We found many marks on his head which might indicate that his head was repeatedly harmed. All the problems that I've told you were physical ones that can be cured easily but with anorexia it takes a longer time. He will be in a weak state when he wakes up and in the following weeks. He will probably wake up in a couple of days as his body is extremely weak. He will need his strength.''

''But did you find any mark that wasn't related to any injury?'' Francis asked clearly referencing the tattoos that gang members get during initiation.

''Fortunately, there were no such marks on his body. But now we have no clear idea what happened to your son. He must have been very well hidden if you didn't find him for over a month. It's strange seeing as how injured he is. He couldn't have been able to move around a lot.''

''Do you mean he was trapped somewhere?'' Alfred asked thinking that he had been right in his assumption many days ago.

''We will only know for sure when he wakes up. I am sorry but we can't be of any more help.''

Silence reigned over the family as the doctor left them. They wondered what could have happened to Matthew during all the time that he had been gone. It didn't seem like Matthew to have been involved in fights. He was the sort of child that absolutely hated violence. How could they have let it go this far? How could they have not noticed that he was gone? How could they have let their son get to the point of death? How?

''Do you think that during the month Mattie was gone, he could have been trapped somewhere and the bruises and scars were from the people that kept him trapped?'' Alfred asked.

''I'd rather not think about that.'' Arthur said in a very serious tone. ''We can't change the past. What is done is done and all we can hope now is that he doesn't get any permanent damage.''

Gilbert had stayed silent the whole time as he looked at nothing. His own mind was a mix of chaotic thoughts and questions. From the moment that he had seen his friend he had started blaming himself. If he had only figured out earlier that Matthew had gone missing, then he wouldn't be in this situation. He would be at the ice rink with him having another game. Gilbert would be trying to get his revenge for losing and Matthew would be laughing his head off at his friends attempt of playing. But instead Matthew was in a hospital room with a broken arm, broken ribs, a twisted ankle, a concussion and soon nightmares that will haunt him during the night for the rest of his life. And it was all Gilbert's fault.

* * *

Matthew was in a state of bliss. He felt like he was floating in nothing. He felt safe for the first time in a week. Here, nothing could harm him. Nothing could hurt him. He felt as if he was an angel looking down at the world. Nothing could reach him. He was further away from reality than he had ever been.

He had felt pressure on his chest but when he had looked down there had been nothing. All he could see was his thin body. He felt a breeze on his face but thought nothing of it as the pressure had been lifted but then it came back. Eventually it left all together and the only thing he felt was the breeze on his face.

He closed his eyes and tried to imagine the most beautiful place in the world but when he opened them he was in a white room surrounded by strange figures. He looked around not knowing where he was. Then, he saw a tube with a needle at the end sticking out from his left arm.

 _No,_ he thought, _this can't be happening. I thought that I'd escaped them. I thought that I was safe. Why are they trying to destroy me? Why are they drugging me?! I need to take it out. I need to run._ But he felt weaker than he had ever felt in his entire life. He looked at the figures that didn't seemed to have noticed that he was awake and started tugging on the tube.

He was trying to get it out but his hands were so weak that he couldn't do much. He feared that when they turned around they would see him tugging at the tube and beat him again. As his heart started beating faster he heard a beeping get faster. What was going on? He pulled harder not doing anything and then they turned around. He could almost feel his heart stop beating as they noticed him pulling at the tube inserted in his arm.

''No!'' Yelled the figures. ''Don't!''

He pulled hard one last time before two of the figures took his arms and pinned him down on the bed. Panicked, he began to fight back but didn't do much. He felt the two other figures grab onto his legs and he could no longer move. He was trapped as he had so often been in the past month.

''No please.'' Matthew whimpered fighting back his sobs. ''I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. I won't try to run away ever again. You can do whatever you want with me. But please don't hurt me again. I'll do whatever you want. I won't go to the police. I won't say a word. I just want to go home one more time. Please just let me go home and see my family again. There are people I haven't said goodbye to.''

 _Why did I run away? Why couldn't I accept the fact that I was invisible? Look at where I am now. Stuck in a place I'll never escape. Why couldn't I have been invisible to them? All I ever wanted was for people to notice me but right now I'd give everything to be invisible again. Why couldn't I just wait it out for a little while? Everything would have been fine then. Gilbert would maybe have never come back but at least he would have kept talking to me. As for my family, even with the fact that they forgot about me and thought I was invisible why couldn't I have been content with those few moments when I wasn't? Why was I so selfish? Couldn't I have kept going with those few moments? Those few moments were more than I ever deserved. Now, I'm going to become a criminal and there's nothing I can do about it. I won't ever be able to repay my debt. They took me in even when they didn't have to. And what did I do? I threw all that out the window like some selfish bastard. I am nothing. It's a good thing they forgot about me as I'm not worth remembering. I hope they are happy without me. Like the last time, I saw them. They seemed happier with me gone. I hope they never remember. I hope I'm able to forget the life I would have had if I hadn't left. I hope I'm able to forget Francis cooking. I hope I'm able to forget Arthur and his awful cooking. I hope I'm able to forget all the times that Alfred acted like a brother to me. I hope I'm able to forget all the times I joked around with Gilbert. I hope I'm able to forget all the good times. I don't have the right to think about my past anymore. I have to live with all the mistakes I've made. But still I wish I could be able to say goodbye one last time._

''I'm sorry.''

He heard sobs that were not coming from him and a scream. The pressure on his arms and legs were no longer there. Then there was the loud sound of a fist colliding with a wall and people flooded the room.

* * *

There were four men sitting in a waiting room. Three of them were crying and one of them looked like he was about to murder someone. Then a doctor came along. He said only one thing.

''I am so sorry but we found traces of drugs in your son's bloodstream.''

 **A/N Can you even imagine how difficult it was for us to write this chapter? This is the most emotional chapter that we've written in our entire lives. Are we proud of this chapter? Yes, we are. Like always the next chapter will be uploaded next week.**

 **We would really like it if you reviewed this chapter. Not because we want the attention or the compliments but because this chapter is the one we put the most effort in and the most heart. At the end, we were both just sitting there silently just writing.**


	8. Chapter 8

_I am so sorry but we found traces of drugs in your son's bloodstream._

Those words made their blood run cold. Drugs. How much was in Matthew they didn't know but it was there. It was there in enough quantities to be detected. How? This was insane. They had just found him. To have him taken away once more is just cruel. What would happen next? Would he still be the same boy as he was before? Would he be an… _addict_? No, it can't be possible.

''We don't know the effect it will have on your son. But we will try our best to help him.'' The doctor said.

''You found the drugs a day after we brought him here. How much drugs have to be in my little brother's system to still have traces a day after they were put in? I think we can clearly say that your best is not good enough.'' Alfred spat.

His little brother had been beaten who knows how many times and now he was on drugs. Alfred never believed that Matthew could have drugged himself. Through all that had happened he was sure that his brother would never do such a thing. Someone else must have forced him. Matthew would never do it on his own. Alfred wanted to destroy all the bastards that had done this to his brother.

''We had no way of knowing before he woke up that there might be drugs in his system.'' The doctor said calmly. ''He was on the verge of death. Our priority was to stabilise him. We wanted to have him in a stable state before we conducted any extra test on him.''

''Well then why didn't you do them after he was stabilised?'' Alfred shouted.

''Once he was stabilised we came directly to inform you.'' The doctor continued.

''You had one full day!'' Alfred yelled even louder. ''You had one full day before he woke up to do the tests and you did nothing. What were you doing all that time? My brother is filled with drugs and you're not doing anything! And you call yourselves _doctors_?''

''Alfred!'' Arthur shouted effectively calming down his son.

He hadn't noticed it but tears had started to run down his face. He had been taking out his anger on the doctor that had done nothing more then save Matthew's life. All his worries, all his thoughts and all his anger had been placed out in the open. His emotions were overflowing. His little brother had been drugged and he couldn't do anything about it. He was angry with himself for not seeing his brother leave. He was furious with the people that had done this to Matthew. But he was mostly worried over the state his little brother was in. If they had found him a day later he would have never been able to forgive himself. He would have lived in misery for the rest of his life. All he could hope for was that Matthew had no lasting scars.

Arthur, while trying to calm down his son, was feeling guiltier than he ever had in his life. He had never been as close to Matthew as Francis and Alfred and he couldn't help but think that it was his fault if Matthew was in the hospital. He had been the first to start to forget. He had been the one that barely ever remembered Matthew's existence. He had been the one that had pushed Matthew to run away. It was all his fault.

 _''_ _Mon propre fils, comment ai-je pu te trahir ? Tu me faisais tellement confiance, mais je t'es trahi toute ta vie. Et dire que tu m'as toujours dit que tu m'aimais. Comment as-tu pu m'aimer quand je t'ai seulement abandonné ? Je le jure je t'aime, mais je n'ai jamais su comment te le prouver.''_ Francis said and he looked up at Arthur. _''_ _On est vraiment les pires parents que Matthieu ait pu avoir.''_

(''My own son, how could I have betrayed you? You trusted me so much but all I ever did was betray you all your life. And to say that you always told me you loved me. How could you have loved me when all I did was abandon you? I swear I love you but I never knew how to prove it.'' Francis said and he looked up at Arthur. ''We really are the worst parents that Matthew could have had.'')

There was a deafening silence at Francis's words. None of them understood much of what Francis had said. The doctor had left soon after Alfred's outburst and so they were alone. Francis was crying as well as Alfred while Arthur was holding Francis in his arms trying as much as he could to hold back his tears as well. Gilbert was nowhere to be seen.

Gilbert had been sitting alone in a bathroom shouting and crying at the same time. All his anger and frustration was put into his screams. He too thought that it was all his fault. If only he hadn't joked about leaving. If only he had been a better friend to Matthew. No. They had been great friends. Best friends even. But even so, it was his fault for not noticing earlier what Matthew felt.

He screamed with all his might. He was scared for Matthew. His life was on the line. Matthew might be stabilised but it didn't mean anything to him. Hs friend would be broken forever and he could do nothing about it.

 _All my fault,_ he thought. _It's my fault if he's broken. It's my fault if he is never able to get over this. It's all my fault. I'm the worst friend ever. How could I have been so stupid? He would be dead if we hadn't found him. He's never going to be the same again. Why did this happen? Why?_

Their friendship would be ruined once Matthew left the hospital. He would blame Gilbert, he was sure of it. If Matthew didn't blame him then Gilbert would blame himself. He would never be able to look Matthew in the eyes. All he would ever see was his friends thin frame and dirty hair with all those marks on his body. All he would ever be able to see would be his friend with the words ''All your fault'' etched on his forehead. There would be nothing more. He would never be able to get over the fact that he made his best friend run away from home. He would never be able to live with himself. His emotions took on an extreme turn as Gilbert started to realise that he loved Matthew. It made everything hurt so much more. He let himself slide down the wall of the bathroom and cried.

* * *

They were all in Matthew's room after the doctor had told them that they could come in. Even with all the guilt they felt none of them wanted to be waiting outside in the waiting room. They wanted to see Mathew even if they knew it would probably kill them.

Suddenly they saw Matthew start to move his fingers. They moved to block Matthew's arms and the medical equipment. They placed themselves directly in his view so that when he opened his eyes he would instantly see them.

''Matthew?'' Francis said cautiously.

Four blurred figures were in front of Matthew. They seemed a bit familiar but he couldn't quite place them. He started moving his body a small bit to regain movement. After a while the memories came flooding back into Matthew's mind. He was in a hospital. That was what the doctor had said. He was safe.

''Calm down, Matthew. Everything's fine. You're safe.'' Francis said.

''Papa?'' Matthew asked unsure of the person talking. Could this be possible? No, it's impossible. They couldn't have found him.

' _'_ _Oui, c'est moi_.'' (Yes, it's me.)

Tears of happiness ran down Matthew's face. They found him. He would never have to return to the streets again. Or would he? Would they really accept him back into their home after all he did? Did they just bring him to the hospital because they felt they had to? Were they just trying to look like caring parents? Did they actually care or was it all just an act? Would they forget him once he was out of the hospital?

Alfred couldn't help himself and hugged Matthew. He held onto him tightly as if his life depended on it, as if when he let go Matthew would disappear. ''I'm so sorry. I swear I'll never forget you again. You won't ever have to live on the streets because of me.''

''Will I?'' Matthew said in a broken voice. ''Won't you forget me again once I am out of this place?''

''We love you.'' Arthur said. ''We probably never showed it but we truly love you.''

''If you truly loved me then you would have taken the time to show it.'' Matthew spat. ''It was always Alfred this and Alfred that. Where was my place in all this?''

The memories had started to come back. His heart hurt as he remembered that even after three weeks of running away they still hadn't noticed. He felt anger boil up inside him quickly overpowering the elated feeling he had felt when he realised that they had found him. Again, and again they had shown him that all they ever did was lie to him. Even with his best efforts he would never be able to compare to his older brother.

''You never once took the time to look at me.'' Matthew continued with his anger threatening to overflow. ''Alfred was always the best. Alfred was always the center of attention. It will never change. You might remember me now but once this is all over you'll forget me once more. I'll never be able to measure myself to the greatness that is Alfred. No, I'll never be nothing more than a shadow. You didn't even notice that I was gone. And don't even try to lie or make up any excuses for yourselves. I _saw_ you. I saw you and you didn't see me. Like always I was not there for any of you. I was little more than air. You should have never adopted me seeing as you never even cared for me. Don't even try to lie. Don't even try to say that you love me seeing as I know that you don't. I know the truth. I saw it with my own eyes. You will never care for me. You never even missed me.''

 **A/N: The next chapter will be uploaded next week. Sorry if this chapter is late. School is crazy and we don't have time to do anything.**


	9. Chapter 9

There was a long silence. They all realised that their worst nightmare had come true, Matthew would never forgive them. They could never go back in time. Matthew would always remember that they didn't care. No matter what they would do, Matthew would never trust them again. Nobody knew what to respond to that. They could feel Matthew's anger floating around in the room.

''Do you even know what hell I've been living in?'' Matthew shouted. ''I had no place to sleep in. I almost got taken on my first night. After a week, I had no food. I'd eaten all the canned things I'd taken with me. Oh, and before you ask, I did try to spare them. I tried to eat as little as I could without starving myself. But it still didn't last long. I had to scavenge for food finally giving in and going to a soup kitchen that a girl was nice enough to tell me where it was. The food was good but they only served twice a day. At least I didn't starve myself to death but I lost like 20 pounds? I don't remember. So, I had to go around and ask for money. But like how it's always been very few people saw me.''

The more he talked the quieter he became. On the last sentence, his voice broke.

''The first week I slept outside.'' Matthew whispered. ''It was horrible. I was afraid of every single noise I heard thinking that it would be a gang. Or that I was on gang territory. I was shivering from the cold as I slept. I thought that I would die from it. But after a while I noticed that i was one of the lucky ones. I had my own sleeping bag which offered at least some protection from the cold. So I left on my own because I was lucky. There were some people that didn't have anything but I at least had something. I still came back to take showers and eat once a day since I felt bad taking food from those that needed it most. Then I got the wonderful idea to go and see you all. You know what I saw? I saw you living as a family without me.

The silence felt oppressing. Not one person dared make a sound. Tears were running down their faces but not one of them uttered a sob. They were shocked. They hadn't imagined Matthew's life on the streets as that bad. They had never imagined all the hardships that he had had to face.

''In the end even with all my best efforts to stay out of trouble I was finally caught by a gang.'' Matthew began to cry. ''I don't remember how long I stayed there before I left. All I remember is being beat down and dragged away to an unknown place. I remember being beaten there every day and being starved. All I could wish for was to pass out. They never did anything to me when I was passed out. One day I woke up with kumajirou in my arms and I didn't know how he got there. It was my only comfort. I cried every night hoping that they wouldn't come back but they always did. And then one day they came in with needles. Thy talked about what to do with me and the only two options were to kill me or to drug me. I thought that I had escaped on my own because for a moment I blacked out. I was on the streets walking and I didn't know how I got there. Well now I know anyway. They picked the second option. I would have preferred the first. They drugged me and I don't know they drugged me with what. I don't know how much they put in me. I don't know how long I stayed with them. I don't remember. I can't remember. I won't remember. It's a blur to me. A big blur that I wish wouldn't be there. I'm so scared. What if what they did to me makes me become an addict? What if they find me again and take me back to the place I was trapped in? I don't want to go back!''

Matthew started trembling with fear. ''I don't want to go back. I know that you don't like me but please don't make me go back.''

Matthew felt warm arms encompass him. A hug. After Matthew had stopped talking, Francis had thrown himself onto his son. Never again would Matthew live through that hell. He would protect him with all his might. He would never allow anyone to even get close to him. Matthew would be safe.

''I swear to you I will never make you go back there again.'' Francis muttered. ''They will never find you again and they will never hurt you. Je te le promets.'' (I promise)

''If they ever try to hurt you or even come close to you again I will kill them.'' Alfred said seriously as he too joined the hug.

''I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.'' Arthur said as he hugged Matthew as well.

Gilbert was the only one that didn't say anything. He made no move to hug Matthew. He just stared at the family with a blank look on his face. Matthew didn't seem to realise that Gilbert was there. He had not mentioned his friend at all. He had not seen him. Noticing this Gilbert had preferred to stay quiet.

* * *

After about an hour of crying into each other arms and telling Matthew that everything would be alright they had finally left Matthew alone with Gilbert. They needed to talk to each other. There had been things that had not been said. They needed to explain things to each other.

''Birdie…'' Gilbert said.

''Gilbert?!'' Matthew said as his head snapped up. When he saw his friend an ecstatic grin etched itself on his features. ''You're back! When did you come back from Germany? What are you doing here? Who cares you're back! I can't be-''

''What the fuck did you just do Matthew?''

''W-what do you mean?''

''You've just fucked up.'' Gilbert said angrily. ''What the fuck were you thinking? Running away like that. Are you kidding me? You've could have asked someone for help or something. You could have told me that things weren't great in your life. But no, you just had to run. Was that really your only option? Are you stupid or something? You could have _died_! And you almost did.''

''I didn't run.'' Matthew said quietly. ''I walked.''

''I don't care how you left!'' Gilbert screamed. ''I care about the fact that you left. You're fucking stupid you know that? How do you think I felt when your brother called me telling me that you ran away? Huh? I knew that something had happened but I didn't say anything. I thought that you were somehow angry at me. How the fuck was I supposed to know that you ran away? You could have told me about it. You could have thought it out. You could have found another way. But of course just plain leaving is the best way to get atten-''

''I never did that for attention!'' Matthew screamed. ''You're the on that didn't want to come back!''

''I never said that!'' Gilbert shouted back. ''If me being away bothered you so much you could have talked to me about it. Now all you did was make your family believe that you hate them. Don't make me out to be the asshole. Do you know how heartbroken they all were? Do you know how hard they searched for you? No, you don't. Francis was crying all the time, Arthur was even worse. And Alfred, oh don't even get me started on Alfred, he was in a trance always on the verge of crying. They were completely destroyed. They were basically already planning your funeral. They couldn't look at your stuff without starting to cry. And did you even care about me? I spent all my time looking for you, trying to find at least some trace of you. They won't ever tell you this but they were all utterly destroyed.''

''I-I thought they didn't care.'' Matthew whispered.

''You thought they didn't care about their own son?''

''I made them live through hell.'' Matthew continued as if there had been no interruption. ''I made them think I was dead. If I hadn't left, then they would have been fine. Sure, they would have never remembered me but at least they would have never lived through hell. It's all my fault. It's all my fault that they cried. It's all my fault that they were destroyed. It's all my fault. It wasn't their fault at all. It was all mine. If I had only asserted myself more then-''

''What are you talking about?'' Gilbert asked his voice soft as well. ''I never said it was your fault.''

''But you thought of it.'' Matthew said as he broke into tears. he felt everything inside him break. It had been all his fault. Everything was his fault. What a selfish idiot he had been. If only he hadn't left. If only he had talked to them about it. Then everything would have been fine. Everything would have been as it had always been.

''I deserve everything that I got.''

Gilbert ran towards Matthew and engulphed him in a hug like his family had done before. He didn't care if he was still angry at Matthew, because he realised that he had gone too far. Seeing Matthew so broken over his words hurt him. It was his best friend and he had intentionally hurt him. The words that Matthew had said resounded inside his mind. Matthew didn't deserve what he got. He deserved to be with a loving family. He deserved to be loved by everyone. He deserves the best. He didn't deserve to be beaten and starved and drugged. He deserved none of that.

Matthew didn't deserve to be invisible.

 **A/N: Next chapter will be uploaded next week.**

 **Also, if you are wondering why Matthew is angry at them, its because he realised that he almost died in the streets. He blames them for letting it go so far. It would not make sense if he just forgave them without a care in the world.**

 **Please keep in mind that not everything in this chapter could happen in real life. It is a story and some of the information could be false.**

 **Thanks for all the review. It's always fun to have your reactions.**


	10. Chapter 10

It had been a couple days since Matthew's family had first come to see him. His days were always the same. Wake up, talk, eat and sleep. But slowly, his body was getting stronger. He was getting better.

His family had come to see him every day. They came when the visiting hours started and left only when they were forced to leave. Every time they came, they brought him things to keep him entertained but they were quickly getting overbearing. It was the first time that his family had cared that much for him. It felt strange. He enjoyed being cared for but it was incredibly weird to have that much attention focused solely on himself.

He was still in a very weak state and the doctor had explained to him what he should be expecting. Difficulty walking because of the loss of muscle mass, difficulty eating because his body wouldn't be able to absorb all the nutrients and the cast that he would have to wear for 9 weeks. But there was also something that the doctor had not said. Something that was far more important. Matthew would have nightmares. There was no question about it. He would have difficulty sleeping. His mental state would never go back to the innocent on it had been before running away.

He knew this for the nightmares had started to come. Every time he closed his eyes all he could was those terrible faces. The memories had started to morph into nightmares. They kept coming and coming till he started to hope that he would never sleep again. And sometimes it was not the faces of the people he had seen when he was in captivity. Sometimes it was his family forgetting him again. They looked at him without looking at him and turned away. They didn't know who Matthew was. It was like he had never left. It was like he had never been found.

* * *

After five days in the hospital Matthew's family finally gathered enough courage to ask what had been on their minds ever since they found him. What caused him to run away?

''Matthew?'' Francis asked cautiously.

''Yeah?''

' _'_ _Pourquoi?_ '' (Why?)

''What do you mean ' _why?_ ' '' Matthew said.

 _''_ _Pourquoi es-tu partis ?''_ (Why did you leave?)

' _'_ _Je ne sais pas.''_ Matthew whispered. ''I guess I was tired of being forgotten. I guess I was tired of everything you did. Every time you forgot my name, every time you asked people where I was and I was next to you, every time you asked who I was. I guess I was just so tired of being pushed towards the edge that I jumped.'' (I don't know.)

''What did we actually do? It was never written in the letter you left.''

''The letter?'' Matthew asked. ''You actually read it?'' Without waiting for an answer, he continued. ''I didn't expect you to read it. I wrote that letter to let my feelings out but not to have anyone read it. It was my way of saying goodbye.''

''Don't try to avoid the question Matthew.'' Arthur said. ''What did we do?''

''Just start with the beginning.'' Francis said.

''Well I guess it all started when I was seven.'' Matthew said. ''I don't really know how it happened but it was at that time that Arthur started asking who I was. I didn't really understand why at first and I thought that it was a normal thing that parents did. When he realised, he always said that he was sorry and that it was a joke. I didn't mind. I just found it weird that he didn't do that sort of joke with Alfred. Still I remember that back at the orphanage they used to forget me all the time. Alfred had to tell them to feed me. So, I guess that by the time you started forgetting I was already used to it. I'm just glad that you never needed to be reminded to feed me. Even when Francis wondered aloud why there was a fourth plate it was always there. You always bought for four so I was fine. And then school. A lot of things happened at school. From you asking why the school sent you a second report card with different grades and a different name to being targeted by people.''

''Why did they target you?'' Alfred asked. ''Because, after all, you said that you were forgotten so why would they take it out on you?''

Matthew looked down without saying anything. If he said that he was bullied because of Alfred it would make him think that it was all his fault.

''Just tell us why.'' Alfred said. ''We won't be angry at you.''

''I-I-It w-was b-b-because of…um... b-because o-of…y-y…I don't want to say it.'' Matthew stuttered. ''Please don't make me say it.''

''It was because of me?'' Alfred whispered. He had realised this when Matthew refused to look at him in the eye or answer. ''They bullied you because of _me_?''

Matthew could only manage a small nod.

''I'm sorry.'' Alfred whispered. ''I'm sorry for all the trouble I caused you. W-what did they actually do to you?''

''Um…well at the beginning it was only words. But it didn't really bother me.'' Matthew said uncomfortably. ''And then they started pushing me into lockers. You know the typical cliché Hollywood bullying. The whole taking away lunch money was a part of that too. But I guess that after a while of being typical bullies they got tired of it and started waiting for me after school. During those times, they beat the shit out of me. Two of them stopped at the pushing and typical bullying stuff. But Carlos beat me almost-'' He suddenly stopped and clamped his hands on his mouth. Matthew had realised that he had just given the name of one of the bullies.

''Carlos?'' Alfred said quickly catching onto the name. ''You mean the Cuban guy?''

Matthew shook his head but Alfred wasn't convinced. He could see the panic in his brother's eyes. He could see the way Matthew was frantically trying to make him forget he had heard that name.

''N-no.'' Matthew stuttered. ''You don't know him. He doesn't go to our school.''

''You said that he pushed you into the lockers. Must have a hard time doing that if he doesn't even go to our school.'' Alfred said suspiciously. ''And why would he target you if he doesn't even know you? Don't lie to me. I know the Cuban kid hates my guts.''

''Don't go to him.'' Matthew said. ''Don't try to get revenge for my sake. It's not worth it. If you do, then it will only be worse. For the both of us.''

''What do you mean?''

''If he can't hurt you directly then he will try to hurt you indirectly. He will see that what he does to me affects you and will try to find other people. He will do everything to hurt you. Please don't go to him.''

''Well we're not going to do nothing.'' Arthur said. ''We are going to get that kid expelled. We are going to file a lawsuit against him. We're going to put a restraining order on him. We're going to make sure that he gets a punishment for what he's done.''

''Everything is going to be fine, Matthew.'' Francis said.

Arthur was furiously spouting everything that they would do to Carlos. Some of the things he said weren't even legal. Francis was trying to call him down by shooting down his ideas. To which he replied with even more violence.

''We're going to make him feel pain.'' He said while clenching his fists.

''That's illegal sweetie.'' Francis countered.

''We're going to cut him up into pieces.''

''That's murder sweetie.''

''Did you ear what he did to our son?!''

''We can't do anything illegal Arthur.''

''We could use black ma-''

''Guys stop.'' Alfred said. ''Mattie, you didn't finish answering the question. What did we do to you?''

''Well aside from school, birthdays were not very fun I guess.'' Matthew continued. ''I mean when you don't get presents or cake or anything they get sort of dull. You stopped celebrating my birthday when I was nine. My birthday came earlier than Alfred as it's on the first of July but I could see Alfred's pile of gifts already forming. Christmas was the same. It was more of a gradual thing. When I was eight I had a lot less presents than the year before. By the time, I was nine I had no presents under the tree. But I still decided to give you gifts. Because maybe if you had gifts from me you would remember me. When I gave Francis his gift, at nine, I saw you turn to Arthur with a panicked look on your face and that was the first time that I realised that you had completely forgotten me. This year I didn't receive anything for my birthday and no one really noticed anything… And of course, the hockey games. You all stopped coming to them. Then you stopped paying for the equipment and I had to find a way to get the money myself. It was hard but I managed. I just couldn't get anything really good. I had to content myself with second hand equipment. It wasn't the best but it was better than nothing. And I made up for my less than desirable equipment by my talent in the game.'' He stopped to take a breath.

''So, when I left I was nothing more than a shadow in that home.''

 **A/N We are terribly sorry that we are late in posting this chapter. Since its the end of the year we have both been in a work overload because of school. It is for that very reason that the last couple of chapters that will be in this story will be posted after new year's. So yeah, school got us in a work overload and since it's the holidays we won't have the time to write with all the family we have.**


	11. Chapter 11

The very next day, Matthew was in the rehab center. The doctor had told him that it would take at least a week for him to be able to walk again. There was nothing much that they could do for the rest of his injuries. They had put his broken arm in a cast and had healed his twisted ankle. The only reason Matthew had been put in the rehab center was because he had difficulty walking and standing up.

About two days after being moved to the rehab center, Matthew had tried to stand and walk. Even when the nurses had told him that it was too soon he had done it anyway.

''I can do it.'' Matthew said. ''I can walk. I can do it. There is no reason as to why I shouldn't be able to do it.''

He took one step forwards and seeing as he hadn't yet toppled over he did another one. That was as far as he could go. He was still too weak to walk and fell to the ground. Because his arm was inside a cast there was no way for him to stop himself. And so, he fell face first to the ground. In an instant the nurses had caught him. Matthew was looking at the ground for a second before he tried to stand up again.

''Don't over exert yourself.'' One of the nurses said. ''Your body is still too weak to handle the effort.''

''Matthew?'' Arthur said walking in. ''Is everything okay? Why are you on the floor?''

''I can do it.'' Matthew whispered to himself. ''I won't depend on others to get around. I will walk. I will do it on my own. I can do it. I must do it for them. I am not _weak_.''

''You can do it Mattie!'' Alfred yelled as he walked in the room and saw his brother trying to get up. ''You've been running for a month, right? It shouldn't be that hard.''

Matthew felt the pressure that was on him. He tried his best to get up but he couldn't. His legs wobbled under the weight of his body. He tried to use his good arm to get up but failed as well. He had lost as much upper body muscle mass as he had done with his lower body. His lack of strength in all places of his body stopped him from being able to get up on his own. Matthew had not wanted to tell his family or anybody for that matter that he couldn't get up. He hadn't counted on his face showing his extreme frustration and disappointment. Alfred's words stung. He had been running for a month. This was nothing compared to what he had suffered during that time. Why couldn't he just do it? Why couldn't he just get up?

''It's okay Matthew.'' Francis said when he saw the face his son had made. ''Tu peux toujours réussir demain.'' (You can always try again tomorrow.)

''I can't do it.'' Matthew said. ''I can't get up. Why can't I get up? I have to get up. Je peux le faire. Il faut que je le fasse. I need to get up.'' (I can do it. I have to do it.)

He tried one last time and failed once more.

''I'm sorry.'' He said trembling. ''I can't do it.''

As these words were said, Alfred, Francis and Arthur went over to him and picked him up. As if Matthew was a toddler still learning to walk they held him up. They held him for a few moments before letting go and Matthew was able to stand up on his own. He stood for a few seconds before he began to feel his strength lessen. They held him again and helped him over to the bed. They smiled at him and Matthew felt his heart swell with happiness. This was his family. The family that might have forgotten him once but that would do everything for him now. Even if it would take time before life became normal they would be with him for as long as it took.

* * *

One week later there was a car coming up the driveway with four people inside when for so long it had been just three. For the three that had been making the back and forth from the hospital, being four again was one of the greatest thing that had happened to them. Even if they hadn't realised that there had been an empty space all that time they felt relived that Matthew had come back. They felt the emptiness that had been there since his disappearance go away. They were now complete. The nightmare was finally over.

The hospital had let him go that day because they felt that Matthew was okay. But they still gave him a lot of drugs for the pain and for sleeping. They also asked if they could give Matthew anti-depressants but the family refused. It would be unnecessary to give them to Mathew and would only worsen what had happen to him. There were various instructions that the doctors had given them for Matthew. They couldn't give Matthew too much food. They couldn't let him do to much exercise. And the most important of all they couldn't let him out of their sight.

The boy in question was sleeping soundly in the backseat of the car. His head was resting on his brother's shoulder and Alfred was doing his best not to move and wake him up. At one point, he was trying not to breathe too loudly.

''Mattie, wake up.'' Alfred said shaking his brother a bit. ''We're _home_.''

Matthew opened his eyes slowly and the view of the house, his childhood home, appeared in front of him.

''We're back?'' He asked slowly.

Alfred nodded and they got out of the car. Slowly they made their way towards the front of the house. Arthur and Francis were already there. Francis was holding Matthew's bag while Arthur had the cane and held the door open. The two brothers went inside and Matthew was finally home.

For a second he stood in the entrance not knowing what to do or say. Everything seemed so familiar that it almost seemed impossible that he had been gone for a month and a half. It seemed to him as if he had only been gone a few days. It seemed almost impossible that he had actually run away from that place.

His family began to rush pass him as they brought inside everything that they had left in the car. Matthew stood unmoving as he took in the scene. Everything was going so fast. Everything was going so fast _without_ him.

''Alfred, can you take out the meat from the freezer?'' Francis said.

''Yeah sure.'' He replied. ''Do you want me take out the potatoes as well?''

''Yes, I will need that as well.''

''I'm going to go take the bags upstairs.'' Arthur said as he passed by Matthew.

Matthew started shaking. He had expected something like this but not so soon. He feared that he would become invisible once more the moment he stepped foot into the house. There was nothing stopping them from completely forgetting about him. Outside the house and at the hospital they might act as if they cared for him but once they were back home he would be as invisible as he had been before. He started shaking with fear of being forgotten. And yet he couldn't blame them. He was born to be forgotten.

''I'm tired.'' He muttered so low that they didn't hear him. He didn't expect a reply or a reaction. ''I'll be going to my room.''

Matthew moved towards the wall and slowly made his way to the stairs. He didn't want to go grab the cane since it was his dad that had it. And currently his dad was upstairs. It left Matthew with little choice. If he could make it to his room unnoticed, which granted wouldn't be hard seeing as they were already forgetting him, then he would be able to rest a bit. One thing he remembered from before running away was that when they started forgetting him he used to stay near the walls of the room and make his way towards his bedroom. He did the very same thing then.

''Crap!'' Arthur screamed from inside Matthew's room. ''We didn't clean anything up. Matthew, I'm so sorry but you won't be able to stay in the room till it's clean. You can sleep in our room tonight. We'll sleep on the fold out bed.''

''Yeah…um okay.'' Matthew said uncertainly. ''I can sleep in my room even if it's dirty. You don't have to give me your room. But why would my room be dirty? I remember that I cleaned it right before…''

''Hey Mattie?'' Alfred asked. ''It's probably not a good idea if you go in the room.''

''Why?'' Matthew replied incredulously. ''It shouldn't be that bad, right? All I need to do is dust a bit. It's fine.''

And so, Matthew made his way towards his room with a lighter heart. His fears had been proved wrong. They hadn't forgotten him yet. They still knew that he was there. But still he got the feeling that they would forget eventually. Francis and Alfred had followed him. Matthew didn't understand why. His room really couldn't be that bad. There must just be a little dust in it. Nothing of importance. Then why did Matthew feel as if they were watching him to see if he would break?

Matthew opened the door. Once inside he was shocked to see that his room looked nothing like it had been when he had left. He almost couldn't see the floor. His walls that had once been bare were now covered with papers. One wall had a map with various pins sticking out of it. He saw missing posters with his own face on it strewn haphazardly around the room. Arthur was quickly trying to clean up the room but stopped when he saw that Matthew was there.

''Ah, I'm terribly sorry Matthew.'' He said. ''I bet you didn't expect this much of a mess when you came back. But no worries I should be able to clean it up soon enough.''

''What is all this stuff?'' Matthew asked as he looked around his once tidy room. ''Why is there a map hanging there?''

He received no answer. Nothing but an awkward silence filled the room. He looked closer to what had been written on the map for as he came closer and closer he recognised his brother's handwriting. Under the places that had been pinned there were written variations of the same sentence.

 _Searched in: 3 times, Searched in: 7 times, Asked around: 4 times, He was here, Found his bear._ And it went on and on. It was a map of all the places they had been while looking for him. His fear of being forgotten melted away instantly. So, they really had looked for him. They had searched places again and again for him. They had asked around for him so many times that he felt ashamed of ever having thought that they would forget him.

Matthew bent down to take a look at the missing posters on the floor. He picked one up and saw his name and description written there. Seeing his own face on a missing poster came as a shock to Matthew. He hadn't noticed them at all in the streets of the city. How he could miss something as obvious as his own face was astonishing. Guess this really meant that he was made to be forgotten. There was even a plea to help his family find their lost son. Matthew folded it up and put in his back pocket.

He looked around the room once more and found papers that did not look like missing posters. Again, he bent over and picked them up. First, he saw pages upon pages of his old-school notes and grades. Under that was a page of notes on himself. There was thing written on it like: good student, organized, best grades in French, math, history and science; worst grades in Spanish but good in everything else; he's in the hockey team; one known friend; quiet, etc. The list went on and on. But at the end of it all was a small sentence saying ''in the end we don't know much about him''.

''What is all this?'' Matthew asked as he went to pick up another sheet of paper filled with notes.

Nobody said anything. His family looked sheepishly at the ground as if they were embarrassed about something. Matthew looked at Arthur for answers and saw that his dad was holding a sleeping ag under his arm.

''Why do you have a sleeping bag?'' Matthew asked. ''And why is it here?''

''Oh…um…well'' He looked at the others nervously.

''We slept in your room.'' Alfred said bluntly. ''Once we learned that you were gone we started sleeping here. We tried sleeping in our own rooms but we couldn't. We were sort of scared of forgetting. So yeah…it helped being around your stuff. But I guess a lot of it isn't here now. Or well you can't see it under the mess.''

''And why would my stuff no longer be here?''

''Um…in the off chance that you were found dead we-well myself mostly-started packing your stuff.'' Arthur said looking everywhere but at Matthew. ''It would hurt too much to have a constant reminder of your death. I-I'm sorry.''

''Oh, no it's fine. I understand.'' Matthew said. ''I would have done the same thing.''

Silence.

''So…um… you guys really needed to sleep here?'' He asked slowly.

Nobody answered.

''You really couldn't live without me?'' He whispered nervously.

He felt ashamed of ever having run away. He hadn't thought of all the consequences of his actions. He had only thought about what he had had to endure during that time. It had never crossed his mind that he had made his family suffered. Even after Gilbert's speech he hadn't really understood the gravity of what he had done. He hadn't understood at what point he had made his family suffer. He didn't know what had happened while he was away but he knew from what had been said and from what he saw that it had been hell for them. To get to the point where they could no longer sleep in their own rooms it must have hurt. Of course, he hadn't had it easy as well but for them it had been hell.

''I am sorry.'' Matthew said. They started to say something but he cut them off. ''No, I truly am sorry. If I hadn't done what I did nobody would have lived through that hell. In the end, it's my fault and I am truly sorry for that.''

* * *

 **A/N sorry for the delay. First of all, happy new year and merry Christmas. We were going to post this chapter earlier but life got in the way. Don't worry it's the last time we are this late in posting. After all we know how much it sucks to have to wait for a new chapter. This isn't going to be the end of the story. We still have a bit more to go. There will probably be two more chapters. We will try in the next chapter to make it a little more happy. This was supposed to be the happy chapter but it didn't make sense to make it happy this soon. We try to make it as realistic (in human emotions) as possible. The rest might be a little bit more fictional because this is a work of fiction after all and we don't really know what could happen.**

 **So see you next week.**


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N This is a fluffy chapter. Believe us. We promise.**

It was midnight when the sounds of footsteps were heard in the house. Slow and muffled as if someone was moving on their tip toes. The sound of something moving and then silence. Shuffling and cautious. Something being dragged on the floor. A door creaked open and the footsteps made their way into the sleeping Matthew's room. Silence and then the door was opened. The footsteps were heard once more and then utter silence.

Matthew had not noticed the intrusion for the sleeping pills he had taken before were still in effect. So, when the heavy blanket was placed over him he felt nothing. He did not notice when his breathing was obstructed by some sort of fabric covering his mouth and nose. There was silence for a few moments before for a second-time footsteps were heard inside the house. Two figures appeared in the doorway of the room. They, like the first one, held the same bag in their arms. They looked at each other for a moment before nodding.

The two new figures placed what they held in their arms on the floor while the first one placed his own things on the bed right next to the sleeping boy. The first figure slowly lifted part of Matthew's blankets and lifted his head before placing it back down on a pillow.

* * *

Matthew woke up with a start. He looked around for a few seconds before realising that he was back in _that_ room. It had all been a dream. He had never escaped. Everything. Being found, going to the hospital, waking up and finding his family. Everything had been false. The room felt cold and he felt hungry. So, he really was back in that place. Nothing had changed. He looked at his arms and saw the same bony limb that he had had before rehab. No, the same bony arm that he had always had.

Matthew started sobbing uncontrollably. So, everything was fake. Everything was wrong. He wanted to see his family again. He wanted to see Gilbert again. He wanted to apologise for everything that he had done. So much pain. So much grief. What had he done? How long had he been there? He had started to forget how long it had been?

''Please, please let me go back.'' Matthew muttered. ''I want to go back. Please let me go back. I don't want to be back here. No, please, anything but this. It couldn't have been a dream. It felt too real. Please don't say that it was a dream. Please…Please someone help me.''

If it had all been a dream, did that mean that his family really didn't care about him? Did that mean that he was still invisible? Did that mean that they still didn't know?

''No, it can't be.'' Matthew said. ''They showed me that they cared. They _told_ me that I would always be safe. They found me. They told me that they would always love me. They remembered me. Please tell me that it was real. Please!''

He began screaming, begging for someone to save him. Begging for someone to get him out of that hell. Screaming and crying. He felt weak, weaker than he had ever been before.

''No, please!'' Matthew yelled. ''Alfred! Francis! Arthur! Where are you? Please help me. Someone, please. I can't take it anymore. Please save me. Gilbert. Please someone just find me.'' His voice cracked as hope left him.

And then the door creaked open. A sharp pain appeared in his neck and his vision became blurry. Something fell to the floor with a resounding bang. Three figures suddenly appeared in front of the doorway. They were hazy but Matthew recognised them instantly.

''Francis? Arthur? Alfred? You're here!'' A childish cry escaped him. He was saved. But no something was wrong. They weren't moving. They were looking at him without looking at him. It was as if the boy on the floor was invisible. ''W-what's going on? Dad? Papa? Al? Don't you see me? Why are you here? You're not going to save me?''

A fourth figure appeared but they passed through the first three as if they were nothing but a mirage. A hallucination. Matthew watched with increasing dread. This fourth person held a bag filled with needles. Then as suddenly as his family had appeared they disappeared.

''No! Please don't leave me!'' Matthew screamed as he extended a hand towards the fading image of his family. ''Come back!''

The person was getting closer. They took out a needle from the bag and approached Matthew.

''No please! No! Not again! Please!'' Matthew was begging while trying his best to move away from the man. He held up a hand to protect himself but the man just shoved it aside.

 _Please let this be a dream._ Matthew thought. _Please, I don't want to be here again. This has to be a dream. It has to be. It can't be real. It just can't be. I want to wake up. Please let me wake up._

Matthew tried his best to wake up but couldn't. So, this had to be real. This had to be a dream. But sadly, it wasn't.

Fear overtook every single one of his senses. A bloodcurdling scream escaped him as the man was a few feet from him. An outstretched hand with a needle came into view and Matthew out of fear screamed once more. And then he _passed out_.

* * *

Matthew woke up once more. He was in his bed but he didn't believe it. He was shaking with fear. His hands were trembling. He quickly touched his neck for any needle marks. His breathing was irregular. He felt like he was still in the place from before. Looking around confirmed that he wasn't anywhere close. He was in his room. The early morning light came in through the window and he felt his anxiety lessen. Then he noticed the two figures sleeping on the floor. He felt something move next to him and quickly backed away. There was no one in his room but him before. Could this be another dream? Could he still be somewhere inside his own mind? He passed out in the nightmare. Did that mean that this was the dream? Was this reality?

He didn't want to look at who was beside him. He feared that it would be a one of the people from the gang. But it was impossible. He was home. They couldn't get him here. Alfred had promised. So, he looked besides him and saw…his brother? Alfred was sleeping inside a sleeping bag. He looked peaceful. Matthew got up from his bed and saw that the two figures sleeping on the floor were in fact his parents.

They slept in my room, Matthew thought. It must have been as hard for them as it was for me. I'm glad they're here. It would have been slightly embarrassing to have to go and see them. It really was a dream. They did come to save me. They came for me and I hope they won't ever let go. No, I _know_ they won't ever let go. I didn't think they would even remember me when we came home. And yet here they all are, sleeping in my room.

Matthew made his way towards the window making sure that he didn't wake up any of his family members. Once there he saw snow. It was snowing. He smiled warmly as he saw the snowflakes slowly fall to the floor. He realised that he was safe. He was in his home. He had made it out before the first snow. He was happy.

Matthew's family started slowly getting up. Alfred was the first to notice that his brother was looking out the window crying.

''Look guys,'' Matthew said as he turned around. Tears of joy flowing down his face. ''It's snowing.''

 **A/N The fluffy part came at the end. Woops. Did you believe us? We actually were planning on making it more fluffy but we didn't have the time. The next chapter is going to be a really fluffy chapter we promise. (Queen of death: Yeah right… Jewel: Just because we accidently made it sort of angsty doesn't mean we can't do a fluffy one after Queen of death: You know what we've got planned right?)**

 **The next chapter will be posted either Saturday or Sunday.**


	13. Chapter 13

As the family looked out the window watching in silence the snow fall slowly, they grouped around Matthew. It wasn't the first time that they had seen the boy this excited by snow. When he was young, Matthew would eagerly wait the first snow. He looked out the windows till he finally saw the first snowflake fall. However, this was the first time that they had seen tears of joy fall down his face as this happened. Back then, his face was simply filled with excitement. The joy of being able to play in the snow had been enough. They had yet to understand what was really going on in Matthew's head. All they could see was a childish affection for that specific time of year.

Alfred moved forwards and engulphed his brother in a bone crushing hug. That hug said everything that not one person in the family was willing to say aloud. That hug whispered the feelings of happiness and relief that they had all felt when they had been told that he would live. It said everything that they couldn't say. It told Matthew everything he needed to know. From the grief that his family had endured to the promise to never let go. It wasn't long before Francis and Arthur followed suit.

''Well boys,'' Francis said after a few moments. ''I'm going to go back to sleep.''

* * *

They spent the rest of the day as a family. When they went downstairs for breakfast, after having waking Francis up, Matthew decided to make pancakes for the rest of his family. It had been a long time since Matthew had eaten pancakes let alone made them. He vaguely remembered how to do them but with the Alfred and Francis helping him they came out pretty good.

After breakfast, the family took out the old board games that had been gradually gathering dust in the basement. They played games upon games upon games. Alfred started yelling when Arthur was beating him at monopoly. When they played charades they all lost. Alfred was too energetic so nobody understood what he was trying to say. Francis was overly dramatic. Arthur was just plain horrible. And Matthew was actually quite decent at the game but his family was as horrible at guessing as they were at miming. When they played poker, Francis kept beating Alfred and he was again yelling at him because he was losing. Arthur was trying to calm his son down and Matthew was laughing behind his cards knowing that he was going to win this round. They even played a game of chess but Francis, Alfred and Matthew got bored not long after the start of the game. Arthur was dominating the game but none of the others wanted to play with him.

''Chess is a great game.'' Arthur said as he tried to convince them. ''It's a strategy game, much better than football.''

''What did you say about football?'' Alfred screamed. ''Chess is a game for nerds.''

''Sometimes I wonder why I even married you.'' Francis sighed.

''Personally, I prefer hockey.'' Matthew said barely above a whisper.

* * *

Once they had exhausted every single game they had in the house, they decided to watch a movie. A few minutes into the movie Alfred started clamoring for food. Seeing as it would take a while to cook something Arthur was sent off to find chips. Strangely enough it took him an hour and two phone calls to finally come home.

''I'm back.'' Arthur said.

''Finally.'' Alfred said as he ran to meet him. ''The movie's almost over. I'm starving.''

''Can you help me with the bags?'' Arthur said.

 _Bags_? Why would Arthur have bags? He only went out to buy chips. It did take him a long time to get back but there shouldn't be the need for help.

Francis and Alfred got up to help Arthur. They tod Matthew to stay where he was. There was no need for _all_ of them to go help Arthur. This only confused Matthew. How much had Arthur bought to need the help of both his brother and his papa? And why couldn't he go help as well? Maybe because he still needed a cane to walk but he still felt slightly left out.

When they came back to the living room Arthur, Francis and Alfred had their arms filled with everything Arthur had bought. They beamed at him as they carried everything over to him.

''What the hell?'' Matthew said incredulously. ''I thought you only went to buy chips.''

''Well I got kind of sidetracked.'' Arthur replied with the biggest grin Matthew had ever seen on his face.

'' _Kind_ of sidetracked?''

''You'll see.'' Arthur said sheepishly. ''This is for you.'' He handed Matthew one of the bags and laughed a bit at the look of utter surprise in his son's face.

Matthew opened the bag and took out the hockey jersey that was inside. It was a jersey of the Canadians of Montreal. The look of surprise left Matthew in an instant as it was replaced by a look of delight. He started to say something but instead Alfred handed him one of the bags that he held. Before taking the second bag, Matthew carefully folded the jersey and placed it slowly right next to him. Only when he was sure that the jersey wouldn't get damaged did he take the bag. Inside he found the helmet. His reaction was instantaneous.

''Holy freaking- Oh my god!'' He said as he held the helmet at eye level. It was perfect. No scratches or anything at all. It looked completely new. It was black and shiny. Hell, it was beautiful. He looked at his family and mouthed a thank you.

Then Alfred threw him a third bag. This one was heaviest. He opened it and found a second bag. But not just any bag. It was a hockey bag. When he opened that one he found hockey equipment. Everything was there. Brand new gloves, brand new everything.

''How did you buy all this?'' He asked. ''This is just too much. I've never had any proper equipment. This is amazing!'' He was like a child opening his gifts on Christmas day. ''Imagine the games I will have with this. Gilbert is never going to be able to beat me now. He's never going to believe what I have. This is- I can't even- What the hell?'' Matthew was so happy that he was rendered incoherent. His sentences didn't make any sense anymore. He was just so _happy_.

''Well actually he helped me buy everything.'' Arthur said. ''And this isn't too much. This is exactly what you deserve. This is for every single birthday we missed. Hell, you deserve twice what is here.''

''But we're not done yet!'' Alfred said as he gave Matthew the last bag.

Inside was the greatest hockey stick he had ever seen. Matthew's was old and worn out. He had found it in the dumpster. But this one was completely different. It was black and shiny like his helmet and the quality, god damn the quality, it was the best he had ever laid eyes on.

Matthew was grinning like crazy. His face hurt from how much he was smiling. He wanted to hug them. He wanted to thank them till he couldn't speak anymore. But a little voice in the back of his mind told him that if he hadn't run away then all this wouldn't be possible. But for the moment he didn't want that voice to take over. He wanted to be happy. He wanted to enjoy everything as much as he could. So, Matthew told the voice to shut up. Like a child, he jumped up and hugged Arthur for al he was worth.

''Thank you, thank you, thank you.'' He said. ''This is the greatest thing anyone has ever done for me.''

* * *

The next day had passed by much like the day before had. Pancakes for breakfast and board games. It was family fun and Matthew couldn't wait to go to the skating rink and try out all his new equipment. But sometime after lunch Francis and Arthur took him aside to talk. Alfred was sent up to his room for a while.

''We wanted to ask you something, Matthew.'' Francis said. ''It's important so answer honestly. Don't lie for our sake. We just want to know.''

''When do you think, you'll be ready to go back to school?'' Arthur asked. ''We know that it will be difficult. We know that you got bullied at school. If you want to change school, then that's fine. You don't have to rush yourself. Take all the time you want. Of course, P.E. is out of the question. You're still walking with a cane but we can make it work.''

''I…don't know.'' Matthew answered honestly. ''I don't know when I'll be ready to go back. But I don't want to change school. Alfred goes there and so does Gilbert. I can't bring myself to leave them.''

''You know that you'll have to go to therapy, right?'' Arthur said. ''We know about the nightmares Matthew. You can't hide that from us.''

''Yeah, I figured I would have to.'' Matthew muttered. ''I'm sorry you have to pay for that. I'm sorry I'm a mess right now.''

''It's okay Matthew. You can't help it.'' Francis said. ''On n'aurait pas été mieux. You are being brave. And I'm proud to say that you're my son. So, no you're not a mess.'' (We wouldn't have been better.)

''Oh, and Matthew?'' Arthur said cautiously. ''The therapy isn't just about the nightmares. It's for the reason why you ran away in the first place. And…um…the thing they put in you.''

Matthew just looked at the ground saying nothing. He felt ashamed for what he had done. He felt vulnerable.

* * *

Later that day, after Matthew had received a second gift, he was sitting on the couch drinking his hot chocolate while watching T.V. Matthew had felt a bit awkward when his parents gave him the computer. He hadn't wanted to accept it. He felt that they had already spent enough money with the whole hockey equipment that they had bought for him. Eventually he did accept the gift. After all, Alfred already had one. Matthew had felt that his family was starting to get a little bit clingy when Alfred had decided to move his bed into Matthew's room. He hadn't known what to feel at that moment. Alfred had just smiled and said that he just wanted to be closer to his brother but Matthew knew that he was afraid that he would run away again. He had been grateful for the attention even if he thought it was a bit much.

What had been a bit far was when his family had asked him what he wanted.

''You can have anything you want.'' They said. ''Just say the words and you'll get it.''

Matthew hadn't felt good about that. His mind wandered off into school. He wasn't ready yet to face everyone. He might go back in a week or two but not know. He didn't want to see Carlos or Ivan or Lovino. He didn't know how any of them would react. Would they keep bullying him? Doubtful. Would they leave him alone? Probably. But he couldn't be sure. Eventually he would have to face everyone. He would have to see them all again. He wouldn't admit it to anyone but he was scared. Not as scared as he had been when he had been kidnapped but still. He was scared of falling into a routine. He was scared that the fact that his parents were so intense meant that It wouldn't last. He was scared of becoming invisible again. Back when he had been kidnapped he had been scared for his life. This was a whole different kind of fear. He was afraid of losing everything he'd gotten over his time gone. He had grown with his time on the streets. But he feared that everything would be lost once everything went back to how it was before.

He was take out of his thoughts as the doorbell rang. He made to get up but Alfred, who had run towards the door, opened it before Matthew even had the time to put his drink down.

''Oh, hey Gilbert.'' Alfred said. ''He's in the living room.''

''Birdie!'' Gilbert said with a huge grin as he came into the living room. ''So, you're finally out of the hospital.''

Matthew didn't understand. The last time they had seen each other they had screamed at each other.

''I'm sorry for what I said that day.'' Gilbert said looking sheepish. ''I didn't mean to upset you.''

''No, you were totally right.'' Matthew said.

''Maybe… but still I shouldn't have been that harsh.'' Gilbert replied. ''You were in a weak state and I screamed at you for being angry. And you had very right to be angry. I talked to Ludwig about it and he said I was an asshole. Feli said I was an asshole as well. Elizabeta tried to hit me with a frying pan and told me how stupid I was.''

''Of course, Elizabeta would do that.'' Matthew said with a slight chuckle.

''Well I did deserve it.'' Gilbert said. "I wasn't thinking straight. I shouldn't have taken it out on you. I was being an idiot. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have... I should have waited for you to get out of the hospital before saying anything. I'm sorry."

Matthew didn't feel comfortable talking about this in front of his family. He wanted to forget what had happened between them. He knew that when Gilbert left, Alfred would ask what exactly Gilbert had meant. He didn't think he could handle that right now. No, the awkwardness was bad enough. There were things that he wanted to ask his friend so, he took the opportunity to change the subject.

"So, you help my dads with the hockey equipment?" Matthew said.

"Yeah." Gilbert replied nervously. "I figured it was the least I could do for having acted like an ass. They asked what you would like and well I remembered that your old one was pretty worn out."

"Well thanks." Matthew muttered still a bit uncomfortable.

An awkward silence ensued. They said nothing to each other for 30 seconds. Neither one of them really knew what to say. But once Gilbert got tired of the silence he quickly pulled out a video game from inside his coat.

"Well seeing as the awesome you still can't walk well and that having a rematch on that hockey game of a few months ago, would be pretty much useless at this point, let's finish the game." Gilbert said excitedly. "I'm not going to lose this time."

"You wish you could win against me." Matthew said with a smirk.

His friend was back. No more of the sulking Gilbert. No more of the depressed and frantic Gilbert. Everything was back where it used to be with a few exceptions. Matthew would eventually be able to walk again without the need of the cane. The nightmares would eventually disappear he hoped. They might become less and less frequent which would be a great improvement. Everything would be fine. And to think Matthew had run away because he thought that he was alone and invisible. He might still be a tiny bit invisible but that was fine. It was part of who he was. Now he was going to beat Gilbert to a pulp at the game.

 **A/N: This is not the end. The next chapter will be uploaded next week. Thank you for all the reviews. We hope you liked this chapter. Tell us what you think. We always appreciate the feedback.**


	14. Epilogue

**One month later**

Things were…good? It was fine. He had fun and felt like part of a real family but it was weird. It was so strange. His family acted as if they were walking on glass. As if every single movement they made would make Matthew run away again. He had never talked this much with his parents. Even when he was alone he could feel someone watching him. He was being watched. His family made sure that they very rarely mentioned what had happened. They treated Matthew like a precious object. A precious object that was under surveillance. A precious object looked inside a safe. They occasionally forgot him. It was never anything major. Just mixing his name up with Alfred or calling Alfred to dinner and not him. But Matthew knew that that was perfectly normal. It didn't scare him anymore. He didn't believe that they would forget. But they always made it seem like a bigger deal that it really was. Always saying sorry countless times and even when Matthew said that it was fine they would keep apologizing. Matthew didn't know what to do anymore. It felt awkward.

When Matthew had decided that he felt ready to go back to school his family had been supportive. They had said that they were proud of him. They had encouraged him. They had done everything that a real family would. But when Matthew went back to his room he could hear the conversation they had.

''Don't let Matthew out of your sight.'' Arthur said to Alfred.

Matthew was something that needed to be watched. He heard Arthur call Gilbert and say the same thing that he had said to Alfred. So, not only did Matthew have a guard dog. He had two. Two people that would follow him to make sure that he never ran away again. Matthew didn't want to run again. He wanted to stay. But they didn't believe it.

* * *

It felt weird being back at school. Everyone was staring at him as he went inside. He was surrounded by Alfred and Gilbert. There was no way to escape the stares. Matthew knew what was coming the moment that he heard Arthur tell his brother and his best friend to watch him. He had expected the stares. He had expected the rumors. Because why would the most unnoticed and forgotten guy in the school be followed around by the two most popular guys? Why would they ever show an interest in the poor boy that was bullied? Why was the guy that had been gone for a month and a half suddenly back?

Matthew had expected huge rumors that would have lasted till the end of the year but with time the rest of the school eventually started to forget. At the start the rumors went from him having transferred schools and suddenly brought back to Matthew being suicidal. They kept looking at his arms but saw nothing. After a day, Matthew had started wearing his sweater to hide from the stares but he could do nothing during PE. He was exempt of all PE classes but he still went because Gilbert didn't want to leave him alone. So, Matthew was forced to change and sit on the bench for the whole period. There he couldn't escape the stares. The other students kept looking at his arms for any signs of scars. He could feel their stares burning into him. After one class, he decided to wear his sweater everywhere he went.

''Did you see the new guy?'' He heard someone say as he passed by. ''I heard he's suicidal.''

''I heard that he's Alfred Kirkland-Bonnefoy brother.''

''You're kidding! The guy disappeared for a month and a half then he comes back surrounded by Gilbert Beilschmidt and Alfred. What the hell happened?''

The rumors started going down after that. Matthew suspected that it had something to do with the fact that Alfred and Gilbert went around telling people that he wasn't suicidal every time they heard someone say it. After a while they stopped looking at him and looking for scars running along his arms. Matthew was grateful for this. Now, if only Alfred and Gilbert could leave him alone for a while. It's not that he hated the attention. It's just that he wished they would let him be alone once in awhile. The way things were going his brother would start moving into his room. They didn't even let him go to the bathroom on his own. It was starting to get excessive.

''I'm going to the bathroom.'' Matthew would say.

''I'll go with you!'' Alfred and Gilbert would reply instantaneously.

''You guys really don't need to. I'll be fine.''

''No but I'll wait outside the door.'' Alfred would say. Matthew would then sigh and go along with it.

After a few days, Gilbert go the message and stopped being so overbearing. Alfred, however, did not get the message and kept on doing it anyway. Matthew let Alfred do whatever he wanted. There really was no point in telling a guy that had lost his brother and that had thought that his brother was dead that he was being overbearing. It wasn't his fault. Matthew wasn't the only one with leftover mental scars. Alfred had the too and it was why he was so overprotective.

(line break)

Weirdly enough, Ivan, Carlos and Lovino had seemed to disappear from his life entirely. It was as if they were avoiding him. Matthew started asking about what had happened with the three boys. His parents didn't want to say anything. Alfred seemed reluctant to speak. Gilbert flat out said that he didn't want to talk about it. The only one that seemed to want to say something was Elizabeta. She said that Carlos had been expelled because his parents had complained to the school. She said that Ivan, who was in many of her classes, was purposefully ignoring Matthew. She said he felt really bad about what he did. With Lovino it was a bit more complicated.

''Lovino kind of freaked out when Gilbert came back saying that you ran away.'' She told Matthew. ''I think he was the most shocked out of all of us. Feliciano was nearly crying. Ludwig was shocked and trying to calm Feli down. I already knew so it didn't come as a big shock to me but we were mostly speechless. Lovino was really the only one that was freaking out. He was stuttering saying that it was impossible. He looked really scared. I think I heard him mutter something about getting expelled. Antonio was trying to calm him down but it didn't work. Finally, Lovino confessed that he had bullied you. He said that he never wanted it to go that far. Gilbert looked about ready to murder him. I was actually quite shocked when Gil said that you were actually in the hospital. He said that he was trying to figure out which one of us had bullied you. But now he knows. None of us have actually seen Lovino around for a while. Feliciano says that he's been hiding in his room every day after school. He won't talk to anyone anymore.''

That day, Ivan came to see him. He apologized. He said that like Lovino he had never meant for so far. He said jokingly that Matthew could join his group of friends. He could tell that Ivan was doing everything in his power to atone for what he had done. Matthew had refused his offer. He still felt somewhat wary of the Russian boy. He wasn't as bad as Carlos but he still found Ivan slightly terrifying. There was a dark aura around him.

* * *

''H-hey.'' Someone said from behind Matthew and Gilbert. ''I wanted to talk to you Matthew.''

Matthew turned around and saw Lovino. Gilbert growled in anger. The Italian boy looked uncomfortable. He seemed nervous and the look on Gilbert's face didn't help.

''What the fuck are you doing?'' Gilbert spat. ''Alfred and I already talked to you-''

''Hey Lovino.'' Matthew interrupted. ''What did you want to talk about?''

''Can I talk to you in private?''

Matthew motioned for Gilbert to leave. His face looked like he was saying that it was a bad idea. Lovino seemed to see this but was surprised to see Matthew motion even more insistent to leave. Gilbert had no other choice but to leave the two boys on their own. He didn't go far. He didn't trust Lovino with his friend. He was afraid of Matthew being bullied again.

''So…'' Lovino muttered when Gilbert was gone. ''I'm sorry.''

Matthew said nothing expecting him to elaborate. Lovino looked like a deer stuck in the headlights. He seemed just as nervous with Matthew than he had been with Gilbert if not more.

''I-I really didn't mean for it to go so far. I never thought that you might run away. I didn't think that what I did would make someone like you run away.'' He paused for a bit before starting up again in a shaky voice. ''I-I didn't want to believe it when Gilbert had said that you were gone. I didn't want to believe that I had been the one that pushed you over the edge. I thought that I was going to get expelled or worse put into prison. I was really scared. Not just for myself but for you too. I freaked out. And when Gilbert said that they had found you and that you were in the hospital I felt so relieved. But then I looked at him and he was so angry. He looked like he wanted to strangle me. I'm pretty sure he did want to strangle me. Then he explained that they had found you the day before and I felt like… like I was in the Spanish inquisition or something. It felt like I was being interrogated.''

''Okay.'' Mathew said. He had nothing else to say. What could you say to something like that? You couldn't simply say that you understood. But you couldn't just stay silent.

''I didn't want to bully you.'' He said. Matthew looked at him incredulously. Didn't want to bully him? Then why would he do it? ''Well okay I did a bit but not because I disliked you. I wanted to prove a point to myself that I wasn't weak. That I didn't need anyone's help. I figured that you wouldn't mind. You seemed so nice and well I never thought that you would take things the wrong way. I insult everybody. It's the only way I could make an image for myself. I wasn't nice so I had to be the bad boy I guess. It was never fun doing all that stuff to you. I felt like the most horrible person on earth. But I still did it. When Carlos starting going further, beating you up after school and everything else, I thought that it was going too far. I know that I didn't really stop after that. But at least I didn't do what Carlos was doing. I know that even if I apologize it won't change anything. But I just wanted you to know that I didn't mean for it to end like this.''

Matthew understood. He knew that what Lovino had done wasn't right but he understood the reason behind it. He understood that was going on in Lovino's mind. He had to forgive.

''It's fine. I understand why. It doesn't mean that I like what you did but I understand why.'' Matthew said.

''I know that you'll want to eat with Gilbert and Gilbert eats with us. I'll leave you guys alone.'' He turned around to leave having said all that he wanted to say.

''No, wait.'' Matthew called out. ''We can always figure something, out right? You're not a bad guy. We'll see what we can do.''

 _This guy_ , Lovino thought. _This guy is too nice. He forgives so easily. How did I ever think that bullying this guy was a good idea? Even after all I did he still forgives me. He still understands. This guy never deserved what I did to him. I'm glad that Carlos isn't around anymore to bother him. Matthew did nothing wrong. He's not a bastard._

* * *

''What the fuck did you do?'' Alfred screamed. ''Did you seriously think that talking to _Lovino_ on your _own_ was a good idea? What are you nuts?''

Matthew was taken aback by Alfred's sudden outburst. He had just gotten home a while ago and mentioned in passing that both Ivan and Lovino had come to talk to him. He didn't know that Gilbert had called Alfred a few minutes ago saying that Matthew had been talking with Lovino on his own. He had no idea that Gilbert had even talked to his brother that day.

''How did you-?''

''Don't you realize that it's fucking dangerous?'' Alfred continued. ''You don't know what could have happened. The asshole's been bullying you. If someone had known that you were alone, you could have gotten attacked. Did it not cross your mind that he might have wanted to talk to you simply to beat you up? Are you that stupid?''

Matthew was confused at his brother's words. He was a little uncomfortable. He felt like Alfred was overreacting. There was really nothing bad about talking with Lovino. It wasn't as if the boy had any feeling of hatred towards Matthew. There wasn't any feeling of animosity between Matthew and Lovino. He understood why Alfred was overreacting but it didn't mean that he was particularly happy about that.

"Calm down." Matthew said. "Everything's fine. He didn't do anything to me. You don't need to protect me anymore. I'm fine."

"Don't need to protect you?" Alfred shouted. "You ran away! What the hell makes you think that I don't need to protect you anymore? You nearly died for god's sake. Mattie don't you get it? We're scared for you. I will protect you whether you like it or not. I'm not losing you. I'm not losing you ever again."

Matthew was silent.

"We thought that we lost you." Alfred continued in a lower voice. "We thought that you were dead. _I_ thought that you were dead. I didn't want to believe it but some part of me did. It felt as if I had lost everything. Everyday passed in a blur. I can barely remember what I did then. The only thoughts in my mind was finding you. Whether you were dead or alive, I wanted to find you. The only thing I wanted to do was find you. I had to believe that you were still alive somewhere and that you would eventually come home. I was so alone. Nothing could make me feel better. I had my friends but it didn't help. None of them understood what was going on. I never want to feel alone again. I never want to feel helpless again. I never want you to feel alone again. I never want you to feel like you need to run again."

"Oh." Matthew whispered as his brother was crying right in front of him. Instinctively, he went to hug him. Alfred started crying even more and held Matthew in a vice like grip. It was as if he was afraid of losing Matthew again. Well, he is afraid of losing me, Matthew thought. "You don't need to be afraid of losing me. I won't run away. I don't want to run away. But you don't have to constantly be at my side you know? I know that you're afraid but don't worry too much. I promise I won't run away. I won't even think about running away again. You won't have to be afraid of losing me. Everything will be fine. You don't have to worry about me so much Al. I'll be fine. You'll always be the best brother I could have ever had so don't worry. I won't leave you alone."

"I'll be your hero. I'll be your brother this time." Alfred said with a shaky voice. There were things that he wanted to say but he couldn't find the words. He couldn't form his thoughts into words so he hugged Matthew even harder. If he couldn't say what he wanted to say then at least he could show it. He would be the best brother that Matthew ever had. He would be the best hero that Matthew could ever hope of having. He would never let what had happened happen again. He would be the brother that Matthew had always wished of having.

* * *

 **One week later**

Matthew's life was getting better and better. He was happy. He had friends and he felt safe. He almost felt as if everything that had happened hadn't happened at all. Of course there were the occasional reminders that things really had changed. Carlos had sent him a letter of apology a few days back. Well letter of apology was stretching it a bit. It was more like a sentence and it wasn't even an apology. But Matthew didn't care. There was nothing the boy could do to him anymore. Matthew had even started helping out in homeless shelters. It felt nice to help those in a situation that he had been in himself not long ago. Gilbert went with him occasionally. Whenever Matthew passed by a more "dangerous" neighborhood he preferred going with someone else. He felt safer like that. His fear was probably due to the fact that the people that had kidnapped him were still on the loose. They had no idea who they were and their chances of catching them were incredibly slim.

Matthew and Gilbert were closer than they had been before. They hadn't realized that the events of the past month had started building up feelings in each other. Strangely enough, it was Gilbert that realized first that his feelings for Matthew had started growing past the realm of friendship. Matthew noticed this change a bit later. Nothing was happening yet but one thing was for sure, their feelings had started growing past what would be considered platonic.

(line break)

Christmas was fast approaching. Everywhere they went Christmas decorations were put up. From the mall to the car wash. Everyone was in the Christmas spirit. Alfred had started writing his list for what he wanted for Christmas. Apart from that he was blasting Christmas songs from his speakers all the time. They had all the songs on repeat. There is only so much you can do with jingle bells. Francis had started building up a menu for Christmas dinner and Arthur was busy decorating the house. They all seemed really motivated to make this Christmas the best Christmas they ever had. They wanted to make this the best Christmas that _Matthew_ ever had. They did not know how many times they had forgotten. They did not know how many years Matthew had gone without anything for Christmas.

"Can you stop with the Jingle bells?" Arthur shouted as he was putting up the Christmas stockings on the fireplace. "My ears are going to fall off!"

"Get in the Christmas spirit dad!" Alfred yelled back. His voice was but a mere whisper over the song.

"At least turn it down."

"Can you please, you know, stop the music?" Matthew said. "I want to finish my homework."

The music stopped abruptly. Right in the middle of another round of the chorus.

"I'm sorry Mattie!" Alfred said. "I didn't know you were trying to work."

Matthew sighed. He was glad that Alfred had taken down the music. Although he wondered why he was the only one doing his homework. Alfred had about the same amount of work to do and yet he did nothing. Except blast Christmas songs all the time and at that he couldn't help but agree with Arthur. His ears were going to fall off.

"Aren't you going to do your homework too Al?"

"Nope." He replied coming down the stairs. "I'm doing my Christmas list."

Francis came into the room wearing an apron. He looked really domestic. Matthew had to hold back his laughter at his "The last time I cooked nobody got sick" apron. Francis bought that one simply because Arthur thought it was stupid. Ah, love such a wonderful thing.

"Talking about Christmas lists, when will you give us yours Matthew?" Francis asked. "Christmas is right around the corner."

"I have to do one?" Matthew asked confused. It had been years since he had actually done a Christmas list. He realized pretty early that no one read his so he stopped making them. Why would he be asked to make one now?

"Of course Matthew." Arthur said. "So, what do you want for Christmas?"

"Oh um… I guess I hadn't really thought about that. Nothing I guess."

"What do you mean nothing?" Alfred said indignant. "You have to want something."

"Well, it's been awhile since I've actually made a list. And I've never really asked for anything. I would have asked for new skates but I already have that and the hockey equipment as well as the computer so there really is nothing for me to ask for. It's also not as if I'm actually expecting anything. I'll be fine with nothing really."

The family was silent for a few seconds. So, Matthew didn't want anything? He wasn't even expecting presents. Just how many times had they forgotten? How many times had Matthew asked for something but never gotten it? It didn't matter to him anymore. They just wanted to give him the perfect Christmas. They just wanted him to be happy.

"There must be something." Francis said. "Il doit avoir au moins quelque chose qui t'intéresse comme un nouveau téléphone ou encore des billets de hockey. On peut toujours trouver quelque chose. Le prix ne nous dérange pas. Tu pourrais toujours regarder la-" (There must be at least something that interests you like a new phone or even hockey tickets. We can always find something. The price doesn't bother us. You can always look at the-)

"Non papa, I really don't want anything."

"Oh come on Mattie." Alfred said. "There has to be something. Even just a tiny little thing. What do you want?"

"No really I don't want anything."

"Mattie, what-do-you-want?"

"You know what I want Alfred?" Matthew said. "I want attention."

"Aren't we already giving you attention?"

"But I want it to last." Matthew continued. "I don't want to be forgotten anymore. I want everything to last. I don't want gifts upon gifts upon gifts. I don't want things I can hold. I want what I can only feel. I don't want to be called invisible anymore. I don't want to be afraid of being alone. I don't want to fear of being left alone. I don't want to wake up in a place that I don't know and realize that no one is waiting for me. That no one's going to save me. If I ever go missing again I want someone to miss me then. I want to be more than a shadow. I want attention not because I ran away but because I'm your son. I want to be remembered. That's the only thing I want."

Matthew knew that his family understood. They came up to him and hugged him just like Alfred had done before. He knew that they would give him what he wanted. He knew that they would remember him. They couldn't promise anything. They couldn't be sure that they would never forget. They couldn't be certain that they would never mix up his name or forget him somewhere. They couldn't be sure that they would be better parents that they had been before. But they would try. Of that Matthew was grateful They would try their best for their son. They would try their best for Matthew. They would make mistakes, of that they were sure, but they would never let Matthew's life be ruled by their mistakes. Maybe running away hadn't been a good idea. Maybe leaving had been the worst idea he had ever had. They had all gone through hell. But maybe it had brought them closer. Maybe it had made them all realize that there were things that needed to be fixed. Things that needed to be said. Could they have said it without the need for Matthew to run away? Maybe. But what was done was done and they couldn't change what had happened. For all it's worth, Matthew was happy. Yes they had all been through hell. Yes Matthew had nearly died. Of course it meant that he would have lasting mental scars. But he was happy. He was happy, in that moment, to be with his family. To be remembered.

 **The end**

 **A/N:**

 **Well, it's over. It's weird to say that it's over after 4 months and bit more. To think this story was supposed to be a one shot. Yeah, we're not joking. A one shot. A ONE SHOT. One freaking chapter! How many do we have now? Including the epilogue, about 14. To be honest after like a day we realized that it would probably not be a one shot. So we said 6. It sounded reasonable. But then we added two more chapters. And then 4. And then the last two. At one point we were asking ourselves if we could finish this story. It's not that we didn't want to but simply we had too many ideas. Let's just say that the reason the epilogue took so long was because we hadn't exactly planned this far and had nothing but a rough idea of what we wanted to do. Just saying. And you know the first draft of the story was not at all like what it is now. There was no kidnapping, no weird stuff, not even the drug part or Gilbert (there was no Gilbert at the beginning can you believe that?) there was just Matthew running away and his family being kind of chill about that. It changed just a bit. Just a bit.**

 **The funny part was that one of us (I'm looking at you Queen of death) fucked me over. She started talking about this fanfic she read and got really deep into the details. Jewel, that is I, was really into the story because DRAMA! And then when I asked the little shit to send me the story she said that it didn't fucking exist. The asshole had made the whole story up. And lied about it existing. FOR A MOTHERFUCKING WEEK. (But you had to admit, it was a freaking good story and I Queen of death was proud of myself. But she was mad and asked me to write it for her and I didn't want to. And I had an idea, why don't we write this story just for fun? Yeah….Jewel will stop being mad at me so we decided to write the story. And we wrote the first chapter and we posted it. I am not going to lie to you dear readers I was shiting my pants. It's terrifying because in less than a minute we had a view.) Yeah ourselves. (shut up they don't need to know that, but then we got a review and we freaked out. People, actual people were reading our shitty story.) Hey it's a masterpiece okay? Think positive. (And we decided to write a six shot and you know what happened.)**

 **Do you how much homework we didn't do because of that fanfic?**

 **Now I, Jewel, would like to thank everyone that has been with us till the end. You know the part about the first review and us freaking out? Yeah well I freaked out more than she did so ha! But anyway we really want to thank that first reviewer who has reviewed for every chapter since then. We always looked forward to what you had to say, Pastaadict. Also Gilbird61. Thanks for being there. The both of you and everyone else that reviewed as was fun writing for you all.**

 **So, we will ask you one last time to review, we really want to know what you think and we will do another fanfiction of hetalia (maybe) in the next couple of weeks.**

 **Alors, au revoir de Reine de la mort. (french, no shit)**

 **Ciao, era un placer escribir para ustedes. (By the way my spanish is not all that good so bear with me, Even if I'm born peruvian I never learned to write so...) From Jewel.**


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